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Dad or Mum - who is being the ****hole?

(2 Posts)
maskingtherealme Tue 23-Jun-15 22:28:55

Mum and dad divorced. Decree absolute 'came' in April (accoridng to my dad) but mum nor her solicitor have not received one - another story!

Dad put the house on the market behind my mum' back - she didn't agree to it; wanted to wait until they had agreed a financial settlement. House sale agreed. Mum has always said from the beginning that she will not sign any contract until a settlement is in place.

This is what she wanted:
Mortgage paid
Conveyancing paid
Estate agent fees paid
Loan paid
Crdit Card paid

The loan was in my dad's name but paid for windows, sofits, guttering, boiler and paid off his credit card. The credit card was in mum's name but had it for over 2 decades and has paid for a lot of things to do with my dad, house, caravan, children, grandchildren, presents and personal stuff too.

Dad said no to credit card being paid off saying it was 'purely personal expenditure' which I know not to be true. So it is going to court (other other matters that cannot be agreed). Mum said 'all debts or no debts'.

Buyers of house sale want an exchange of 26th June. Mum said no as no settlement agreed. Dad finally agreed to pay it off. He told me this on the phone on Friday 19th June AND his solicitor also told the estate agent this at the same time. The solicitor also told the estate agent NOT to hassle the buyer about asking for a 3rd July exchange to give my mum time to remove and relocate elsewhere (she will be made homeless - bunking with friends as council cannot bump up her priority and find her somewhere in such a short space of time). He had no right (in my opinion) as he is NOT acting for the buyers. Estate agent 'stuck twos up' and contacted the buyers who agreed to the 3rd July. So mum wanted it in writing - understandably. She arrived back home after a few days at my house (job hunting as looking to relocate nearer to me and my family) and the letter from my dad's solicitor has said no such thing - only summarised a conversation she had with my dad's solicitor the other day.

I telephoned my dad (I asked my mum if she wanted me to do this) and told him what had happened (or what had not happened). He again said yes, credit card paid off too but I said that mum wanted it in writing, solicitor had AGREED to send a written confirmation to the estate agent and subsequently, has not done so.

Mum angry and upset. Said she wants a letter by tomorrow (I said Thursday - day to write and get in post) or she is pulling out. Dad soesn't care as he as somewhere to live (he moved out a month ago and apparently his solicitor has 'advised' him to cancel the direct debit on the mortgage). I told him he would loose out financially (and more!) if he doesn't get the written confirmation that my mum asked for and his solicitor AGREED to sending. My dad said 'he doesn't care' that mum will be made homeless. he said the house has been sold for weeks and she had 'plenty time' to sort removals etc. I told him that he was silly to put the house on the market when he did and that though a sale agreed had been made, no arrangements could me made for removals etc until a date had been set and a date wasn't going to be set until a financial agreement was in place.

So who is being the arsehole?

Will the judge see my dad as an idiot for:
1. Putting the house on the market before a settlement had been agreed AND without my mum's consent
2. Moving out of the marital home
3. Cancelling the direct debit for the mortgage

Also my dad earns tonnes more than my mum (�732 a month) and been married for 40 yrs. Mum wants 'maintanance' but dad is refusing (He divorced my mum) and she wants half his pension as a lump sum (roughly �15,000) but dad said no as a lump sum but willing to half it if it went into a pension for her which she doesn not want as it will be 'worthless' as a pension.

So who is likely to benefit?

Such a fine mess!

Fidelia Wed 01-Jul-15 12:16:29

Your mum has been very clear that she would only agree to sign once a financial agreement is in place.

Your dad ignored her and did what he wanted. I suspect he hoped to bully her into signing....and it reads like that's what he's trying to do now.

He's being an arse because the funds will not be released to either of them (due to marital dispute) until there is a financial order, anyway.

Pensions are normally shared, but if she wants cash, your mum should expect it to be discounted because he cannot release the funds from his pension (cash in hand now is worth more in divorce terms than pension in the future).

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