Divorce by consent and assets

[Leybournelass]

We want to divorce by consent, he is prepared to take a cash sum in financial settlement. I have always been the breadwinner and main carer for our children. He has always worked when he chooses on the principal that whats mine is ours and whats is is his. He has not contributed in any regular or signifiant menner ( yes I know I am an idiot but at least I realised it at last!!). In the last two years he sold a buiness and property abroad for about £50k and frittered away the cash with his mates.

Our assets are equity in the house, my pension and his much smaller pension abroad.

We have two children 15 and 17 who live with me.

I am the one who stands to loose financially and at 52 I have little chance of making good my pension/getting a new mortgage etc so I want to leap on the cash settlement if we can agree on the amount. I dont think he is aware of his entitlement regarding the pension and I am not about to tell him.

He is expecting me to sort out the divorce - which I am happy to do if it comes on my terms.

Neither of us have cash for a solicitor

The question is does the court insist at any time on approving the financial settlement? If they do I run the risk of someone making him aware of his rights - in which case I may as well wait for the five years and he can divorce me.

Any advice or experiences welcome!

Thanks

[thelonggame]

even if the pair of you agree a settlement, that has to be converted to a consent order which need signing off by a judge. If it isn't deemed as being fair to both parties the judge can throw it out - so yes he will be made aware of his rights.
Don't you think that at some stage he will do a bit of research himself anyway, it's very easy to find out what your legal rights are. The starting point is always a 50/50 split of assets including pensions.

If you don't get a consent order in place your ex-husband can make a claim on your finances at any point in the future.
If you can't afford a solicitor have a look locally for solicitors who will give a fee half an hour and get some legal advise.

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Financial-Settlements/Overview/Consent-Orders.html

In the long run you've got to better off being honest.

[LotusLight]

You can get a consent order signed and agreed and then if it is fair the court will seal it. that is what we did although we both had lawyers. We had no court hearings.

[thelonggame]

no court hearing is needed for the consent order, but it has to be 'rubber stamped' by a Judge.
It's also unlikely that a consent order would get signed off without you both receiving legal advise and have it written up by lawyers.
You can divorce very cheaply and without a lawyer, but without a consent order also being in place he could come back at anytime for any assets to be split.
Try to get yourself some legal advise before making any decisions.

[Leybournelass]

Thank you all for the comments.

If we get a divorce what then is the process for agreeing a financial settlement via the court - is there some timescale on this? Its very important to me to do this all at a timing to suit myself instead of him.

thelonggame - he will never research this himself - he has left everything to me for so long and I am so straight (generally) that he wouldn't believe that I would be anything but totally honest.

[LotusLight]

Ley, I think lawyers like mine would say don't get your decree absolute until you have the financial consent order stamped by the court. too many people get the easy cheap divorce bit and leave the difficult finances bit or think some signed agreement is final and cannot be gone back on years later and they are wrong.

We lived together during this and although had lawyers in the background (I paid for the lawyers on both sides as indeed Mr Vince did in the case mentioned above) we negotiated the amounts face to face until we reached a compromise, told the lawyers and they wrote it up. Now if that compromise is mother with children gets nothing not even a house and father earnings £20m a year gets everything a court will never agree the order so do make sure the arrangement is fair. 60% of assets (clean break) to my children's father with me to pay 5 sets of school/university fees was fair for example in our case and children live with me (his choice). You just cannot generalise as to what is fair very easily as everyone's family and income differs. However if a judge sees one side not getting much at all they will not approve the consent order. It is a good system in a sense.