DH left beginning of November 2014 following first conversation 10 days prior. I initiated that conversation asking "Do you still love me?" He answered "I don't know", which then became "No, I don't see a future for us and I don't want to try to fix our marriage." It was brutal.
We have been together for 18 years, married for 12 with 3 DCs aged 9,4 and 3. Although I knew he was unhappy, it hit me like a train.
Have tried everything; reasoning, begging, getting angry, crying... have been through the utter devastation phase, probably still in the anger phase and desperately trying to push myself forward.
The bit that I have found so hard is that he failed to communicate at all with me about his feelings and that he simply made up his mind and left without giving us one chance to fix things.
He says that he has fallen out of love and doesn't believe enough in the relationship to want to try to fix it.
Since he left, he has given us money and regularly seen the DCs. He is a good Dad which has made it all the more incredible that he just would walk out on them.
Have asked many times if there is a OTW, he says not; that there has been no physical relationship with anyone or an emotional one. He has been so brutally honest about everything else that I do believe him.
I have been to see a lawyer. I am moving on with my life. I do still love him but have lost respect and trust for him. I think that after 18 years of love, friendship and 3 kids we deserved at least an effort but he does not and so I know I have to accept that.
The difficulty I'm having is in communicating with him. He is so cold, mechanical and distant and has been since day 1. Many have asked if this is a mid-life crisis. It is a crisis of some sort but we still have to speak for the sake of the DCs.
How do I deal with him speaking to me like I'm a stranger? I keep on wanting to have these deep conversations about our relationship not even to try to fix it now but just so that we can move on to being friends of some kind.
Please don't tell me it takes time. I know this. I'm just at a loss as to who he is. I feel like he has rewritten our history together in his head and all the good times including who I was to him have been scored out.
He lost one of his parents 4 years ago and never ever spoke about it. The only emotion he has shown has been about this and another bereavement and about him not 'wasting' his life, finding happiness, choosing a route where both his head and heart can be 'in harmony'.
Sorry this post is so long... Any help/advice/experience on this would be v welcome xx
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Divorce/separation
DH left 7 months ago and still refuses to communicate...
18 replies
breakthru8 · 14/06/2015 12:31
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