How to know when it's time to call it a day...?

(4 Posts)
pianogirl79 Wed 03-Jun-15 15:37:56

Just looking for some advice or anyone's experience really...

I've been with DH for 10 years, married for 5 and have DD aged 4. Things haven;t been great between us for the last few years but I don't know how to tell if things are bad enough to actually split up.

My partner says he still loves me, is a brilliant Dad, does his fair share roudn the house and is generally a good person. I know I won;t find a better man than him but I just feel I don;t love him anymore. Is that reason enough to put my daughter through all the upheaval of a divorce or should I jsut suck it up and accept that long term relationships aren't supposed to be any more than mediocre? We've not had sex for two years (my choice) and I have no physical interest in him. I just feel our relationship has run its course and if we didn't have child, mortgage etc together I would have left him by now.

We are talinkg about trying some couples counselling but it just feels like things have fizzled out and if we should divorce I feel it is better to do it while DD is as young as possible...

My parents also think the world of him and when I said things weren;t great they told me to just sort it out, so I would have to initiate a split knowing that pretty much everyone is against it except me.

I really appreciate that my situation must seem trivial but I am in such a mess going round in circles about what to do. The guilt at the thought of splitting and therefore putting my daughter in a worst financial situation and having less Dad time is killing me but I also don;t want her to grow up with our affectionless relationship as her role model for marriage.... or should I just accept that I should have thought harder about marrying this man and having a child with him earlier and now its too late I need to put DD first.... I just don;t know how I can fake it for the rest of her childhood, and then she'd still probably hate me when she moves out and we split anyway...

I'm rambling now... sorry.... just feeling a prize idiot for getting into this mess...

thelonggame Wed 03-Jun-15 19:00:48

If you are feeling that this could be the end of your marriage is it worth you going to couples counselling with your DH? It can be a safe environment to explore your feelings and they can help you move towards a separation if that is the right thing for you to do.
A good counsellor isn't going to try to force you to stay together.
Does your DH know you feel like this?

pumpkin1979 Wed 03-Jun-15 21:56:26

www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/08/how-to-decide-when-to-end-a-long-term-relationship/

Try this? I know exactly how you feel. My ex is clever, funny, handsome and a brilliant Dad and I did wonder if it was a generational thing that we 'opt out' too soon? But, as my Dad said to me, 'you only walk this way once'. Are you sure you want to keep walking this way?

pianogirl79 Sat 06-Jun-15 18:46:15

Thank you both for the replies...
thelonggame - yes we managed to have a fairly civilised talk about things and agreed to got to counselling so we'll see how that goes but it cetainly can;t hurt and if I am going to divorce him I fell I need to try every last thing before we get to the last resort...
pumpkin - thanks for the link, good to hear you were in the same boat... how are things now? do you feel you made the right decision? how do you get along with all the parenting logistics? did you get loads of flak for 'opting out'?

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