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Anyone help me on this please? No grounds for divorce- so 2 year wait?

(11 Posts)
Stinkystilton Wed 27-May-15 10:51:31

Dh and I are seriously considering divorce after 30 years marriage. It's my choice- we have grown apart and have little in common.
I am 60 and although I work part time for myself, it's unlikely I can return to my former career at this stage. DH earns almost 6 figures, I earn very little as was the chief carer for our children, we have a home worth around £700K and he has a final salary pension.
I've offered to move out and he says he doesn't want that and neither does he want to move out either. So how do we get divorced? There is no unreasonable behaviour or any other criteria that we fulfil. He seems to think we can each stay here until the house is sold but I've said hang-on- there is a lot more to it than that. I'm not willing to sell the house prior to a divorce and settlement because although it's highly unlikely I could remain here (I think I could have the house or my share of the pension but not both) I don't want to assume that -so what next?

WhatsGoingOnEh Wed 27-May-15 10:54:15

See a solicitor.

Stinkystilton Wed 27-May-15 10:57:17

Oh I will- I just wondered where we go right now- literally!
Neither of us wants to waste £1K a month on rentals, but the option of living together for 2 years is not on either. I suppose people 'invent' unreasonable behaviour maybe?

EggInABap Wed 27-May-15 11:02:10

When citing unreasonable behaviour it doesn't have to be hugely specific. It can be as vague as communication has broken down and you have fallen out of love. It doesn't have to get nasty. There is no need to wait 2 years at all. These are the exact words I have heard from a divorce solicitor.

babybarrister Wed 27-May-15 11:38:51

anything goes in a divorce petition - it really does not matter at all - you can draft the petition together - all you need are 3 "particulars" ie ceased intimacy, no longer socialised together etc etc

re finances - go and take advice but after 30 years it is 50:50 on everything - pension included ....

Stinkystilton Wed 27-May-15 12:40:24

Thanks all.

One thing that worries me- and don't want to appear mercenary- is that if I get 50-50, when the ex DH dies, my half of his pension (around £20K) which I'd get a his ex-wife, would presumably not be paid any more to me? This would mean I could have to live on only the state pension in my old age and my tiny occupational pension which I am taking now.

If for example, he died at 80 and I lived to 90, or he married again, what would I live on in my old age?

babybarrister Wed 27-May-15 12:46:53

most pensions allow a pension sharing order to be made - this works to give you an entirely independent pension so what ex does with his is irrelevant

you need to see a solicitor to take more detailed advice

Micah Wed 27-May-15 12:56:08

"Unreasonable behaviour" can be anything really.

When dh's ex divorced him her reasons were laughable. The judge actually said they weren't grounds for divorce, and if he wanted to contest it wouldnt be granted. As he didn't want to stay married to someone living with another bloke it was given.

I don't know about spousal support. Ex kept all the assets in dh's case but they had young children and he was deemed able to start again financially.

mrsdavidbowie Wed 27-May-15 19:14:47

Ex h divorced me on grounds of my unreasonable behaviour , even though I'd been the one who wanted it.
The grounds were utter bollocks. Judge must have laughed his head off.

Optimist1 Wed 27-May-15 19:31:52

I agree you need to talk to a solicitor. And yy, unreasonable behaviour can cover a multitude (I remember "lack of companionship and communication" featured in my divorce petition). The pension arrangements will, of course, depend on a) the conditions of the pension scheme, b) the financial agreement reached during the divorce process. A solicitor will be able to advise you on all of this, including what would happen if either of you were to remarry.

textfan Wed 27-May-15 19:37:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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