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HELP! HUSBAND HAS LEFT FOR ANOTHER

(10 Posts)
tanya47 Sun 24-May-15 07:50:48

Hi everyone. After 14 years countless affairs, lies receipt , he's finely done it and left me , this time for good he says, in the past he has come back, saying what a fool he was and I stupidly have always taken him back sad
This time its different though, his obsession with Asian ladies, prostitutes, spending all his money seeing them , fancy hotels and long distance relationships…. sad
Over the past 4 years he has been seeing the same one on and off, off when i would find out he had lied to me and said he had stopped seeing her, it wasn't true , he lied and just recently did some pretty horrid things.
We had bought a house in Cairns Australia (massive mortgage) and where we had bought the house were struggling to find jobs each, we decided we would need to go back to where we were before to get jobs and so the decision was made to go back to Darwin Australia and get back to work. The plan was as follows, who ever got a job back in Darwin first would go back and also find a rental place so we had somewhere to move everything to once the house in Cairns sold. i was fortunate enough to get a job fist and so came back to darwin , started work , and also looked for a house for (us)

In the mean time little did I know that he was already up to his old tricks with seeing hookers etc, and I wasn't there, so he did as he liked….
On the day of settlement for the sale of our house he informed me that he was not coming back to our relationship and wanted to be free to do as he pleased. he also told me i was not enough of a woman for him and that it was true once you had tried asian you never went back….

This left me reeling , I can't say I was in shock , because as I have already said he has done this to me on countless times before, with co workers friends etc, if anything there must be something wrong with me for putting up with this behaviour for so long sad

But I can honestly say I am at rock bottom at the moment,,, really down in the bottomless pits of despair, frustration , anger , hurt , cannot see my way ahead…. i feel as through my security has been destroyed, what will become of me? my future? where is the man I used to love , the caring understanding one, not this middle aged man going through some kind of perverted sexed up middle aged male menopause….
And again ,yes I am the fool for sticking around….. I am starting to wonder if I will ever trust another man in my life… really really thought he loved me and wanted our marriage to work…
And just to add salt into my wounds on friday I got a call from his lawyer informing me that he had already put the paperwork in for commence divorce proceedings…. I actually thought you had to be separated a year, but he has managed to get this divorce finalised in 1 month by lying about the date of separation…

whats the rush???? i asked, we have not been seperated long enough,,, to which there was no reply of course,,, that and him suddenly getting a passport makes me think her visa must be about to run out and he is going to save her by marrying her… wtf…. he has spent all his savings, there was no profit from the sale of the house, his credit cards are maxed out and he is behing on his car payments, he has given me everything in the house, already agreed to give me half his super over our 14 year marriage, and wont even talk to me at all….
not as his wife , but even just as his friend i am concerned about his behaviour… this is not normal behaviour and i cannot do anything to make him see the light, its like i am talking to a stranger…. your thoughts ladies, help me …i an sitting on the edge of the abyss…..

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 24-May-15 07:57:51

My ExH also changed from the thoughtful, caring person I married to a selfish, self centred one who choose to leave for someone else.
I hope you have some support in RL this is essential for getting you through. To a certain extent for a while you have to keep getting up each morning and then one day it is not quite so difficult.
I don't think you ever know why he did this or understand it and please don't torture yourself over it, it is much more about him than you.
Take care of yourself, others will be along with more wisdom, but keep posting here.

chocolatespiders Sun 24-May-15 08:06:36

You sound like a loyal wife who has been taken advantage of in a cruel undeserving way. I really feel for you.
Just concentrate on getting through one day at a time and it will get better.
I have been single for 10 Years and actually don't mind it. Hopefully one day I will have another relationship again!

Springtimemama Sun 24-May-15 08:13:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish Sun 24-May-15 08:26:09

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are well shot of this piece of shit.
"Once you've tried Asian you never go back."
Makes women sound like products. What a foul human being.

where is the man I used to love , the caring understanding one, not this middle aged man going through some kind of perverted sexed up middle aged male menopause….

You said he's had countless affairs. Bid him a glad farewell now.

tanya47 Sun 24-May-15 08:31:05

Yes, its true, countless affairs, and they are only the ones i know about…. i guess i was trying to hang on so long because i thought he would get better, that i could save our marriage… but i can't, it'd had it i know that now…. just dealing with the things he has said to me, my self esteem and confidence has gone out the window….

pictish Sun 24-May-15 10:38:52

Not to be flippant OP, but rather than thinking "HELP!" you should be thinking "YIPEE!".

Seek counselling to help you piece yourself back together. Never look back!

Finola1step Sun 24-May-15 10:48:42

This is your chance Tanya. Your golden opportunity to put your life back on track. In 12 months time, do you still want to be running around after this piece of shit? No, of course not.

He will not change. He might come sniffing around when the money runs out but you do not have to take him back. You owe him nothing.

But for now you focus on the next hour, then the next 2 hours. Get through those and try to get some sleep. Break the days down into small chunks of time. Take support in rl from friends and family.

And don't sign anything until you have consulted your own solicitor.

Cherryapple1 Sun 24-May-15 11:06:08

Bloody hell - he has done you a massive favour in leaving. I am more concerned as to why the hell you put up with this for so long? He has no respect for you, or women at all. Why do you think this is all you deserve? His behaviour is completely and utterly beyond contempt. The loss of him is nothing to be mourned.

I really hope you have had regular STI tests. God knows what his sexual incontinence has exposed you to.

I also hope you have a shit hot lawyer who will ensure you get everything you are entitled to.

tanya47 Sun 24-May-15 21:48:42

I put up with it for so long because i wanted to make sure my child had a stable upbringing, i came from a broken home so was adamant that my marriage would last, all the more fool I was…. sad
Now i am alone and have no family or friends.

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