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A real kick in the guts today.

(10 Posts)
gemsio Thu 07-May-15 11:06:15

Hi everyone, Just needed to release on here. My husband left me a few weeks ago, and I was doing okay recently, just getting on with things for my two DC'S. Then this morning I got a wedding invitation for my cousins wedding in Aug, I knew it was coming and my extended family don't know what it has happened.
But it really upset me, just seeing all our names addressed together. And we were planning on making a weekend of it as it in London.
I will no doubt be going to the wedding alone now while my husband looks after the children as they are young and too much for me to handle alone at a wedding. It just made me sad, as it is probably the last time we will get a invitation like that as a family. I probably sound so pathetic, it just hit a nerve and I need some kind words. thanks.sad

Momagain1 Thu 07-May-15 11:37:56

That really sucks. It also forces the issue of when and how to tell extended family too, doesnt it? Which sucks some more.

It gets easier.

brew

gemsio Thu 07-May-15 11:46:57

Yeah, it feels almost crude in a way as well, "congratulations on your wedding, I will be coming alone as my husband has left me, but you know big up to marriage and all." Urgh. x

fairylightsbackintheloft Thu 07-May-15 14:47:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gemsio Thu 07-May-15 15:38:05

luckily R.S.V.P date is July so I don't have to deal with it right away. Just felt sad when it came through the door. Sorry you are going through this as well, x

Goodbetterbest Sat 09-May-15 07:53:35

Same happened to me. The 'save the date' came addressed to us both, the invite to him alone. They thoughtfully sent it to my address, but obviously know we've split. Idiots.

OhMittens Sat 09-May-15 09:22:07

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. I can't imagine the pain of seeing all your names on an invitation like that.

I hope that by the time the wedding comes round in August, it doesn't feel quite as raw as it does now. I would definitely see it as a chance to dress up, splash out on a fabulous new outfit, get a new haircut. Take really good care of yourself between now and then - try to eat well most of the time, go for long walks if possible (good for clearing the mind too). Hopefully you can take a good friend as your plus one and try to enjoy the day as much as you can under the circumstances.

I know it's cheesy, but positive thinking techniques can make a big difference to your mood. There's some good books out there which teach you to replace negative thoughts with positive and you are then more likely to have a positive action. Eg Negative thought - Wedding without husband & family = sad day. Positive thought - Wedding with best friend, new outfit, determined to treat it as a happy fun event (try not to overfocus on the wedding ceremony bit) = happy day.

You can't change what's happened but you can change your attitude. Not saying it's easy, but if you've got to go to an event, you might as well feel happy there than sad.

xx

OhMittens Sat 09-May-15 09:27:48

PS wanted to add - always try to give yourself something to look forward to, even something small like you're going to buy yourself a high-end lipstick. I have found it useful to find something to do to take my mind off things. I don't know if you're at all crafty, but (bear with me) something like crochet is quite easy to pick up but requires a LOT of concentration, which temporarily gives your brain a rest from the emotional pain. Also easy to pick up and put down. Basically it's just finding rocks to hang on to, day by day. You will need a mental break from the emotional pain however you do it. GL xx

gessami Sun 10-May-15 23:03:02

oh wow. poor you. it's all the little details of a life together that hurt the most x

CalleighDoodle Sat 16-May-15 14:11:51

Theres no win here im affriad. It is awful. Last year i had a couple of weddings to attend. One gave me a plus one, which made me sad. One just said my name, which made me feel worse although i didnt even have a plus one for the one thag have me one. The no plus one was on new years eve too. The worst though was the wedding invite that arrived at my house, 8 months after my stbxh asked for a divorce and moved out, addressed to HIM WITH A PLUS ONE!! To my house!!!!!!! Nobs. I sent it back mot at this address. That was after several hours of discussing other options with friends. We decided writing i hope you learn some compassion and empathy after youre married would make me
Look weak, and shoving it up anyones arse might be deemed inappropriate.

Hugs.

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