Anyone used mediation to help divide assets?

[Lasvegas]

Just it really. DH is keen on it. He is hoping they will provide a better outcome than the scenario painted by his solicitor.

it costs £150 per hour and a ball park number of sessions is 5.

at the end of it we still have to lodge schedule E and do the court papers for ancillary relief etc.

[Goodbetterbest]

You'll still need to take legal advice.

We've been in mediation for a while, 5 sessions I think so far. It's mainly been around finance. We've covered pensions as well (with a pension specialist). Once we've got the court order, we'll go back to mediation to sort out child access.

It seems to me there are three parts: The divorce (which is a bit of administration). The financial settlement and access. These are the complicated bits.

I learnt today that a financial court order lasts a year, after which XH can apply for it to be reduced to CSA calculations.

[Lasvegas]

thanks goodbetter. That is what I have said to DH that it is just a stepping stone to drawing up the financial settlement. He wants to do it, it is he who wants to leave so cant quite see why he wants to drag it out but anyway.

DH reckons we will need just one session. i think he is mistaken and i get impression that the mediator will want to drag it out - so they get paid more.

Access we agree on just not division of assets.

Is it the same mediator each session?

are you and DH still in same home?

[DavidTennantsBeard]

Good better-I was told by a sol that the year limit applies to child maintenance. So if u get a global maintenance order then it can't be varied down in the same way.

[Goodbetterbest]

Yes that's right re global maintenance, so will be going for that.

Lasvegas, he moved out about a month ago. We thought we had childcare sorted - they would stay with me in the family home 100% of the time and he would dip in, look after them here, and generally not inconvenience himself. It doesn't work. I have no free time, there is no co-parenting, and the DCs don't see him because he doesn't put the effort in.

Yes it's the same mediator every time.

I made a spreadsheet of expenditure - absolutely everything - and used this as my starting point. Worked out what we as a family spent every month, and asked for that. Plus the mortgage on top. The mortgage will come under spouse maintenance. It will all be wrapped up as global maintenance as this will protect us.

A huge part of the process was pensions and what happens after retirement. XH has a massive pension pot, I have nothing. I am going for 50% of his pension for the 15 years we were together, and two-thirds of the family home upon selling when our youngest is 23. By which time he will have retired but I will still have many years before I can claim my pension so, as I am a SAHM, my earning ability is seriously depleted and I need to compensate for this.

If by sheer chance you are anywhere near the NW feel free to PM me.

[STIDW]

There is evidence that divorcing couples are more satisfied with and more likely to adhere to agreements they have reached between themselves. With mediation a mediator goes through the figures with you both together to see if you can find a way forward that works for both of you. Mediation is quicker and cheaper, and less damaging to long term family relationships, than fighting through the courts. If agreement can be reached the court doesn't require Form E, there is a simplified disclosure form D81.

Even if no agreement can be reached at mediation you should at least know what can be agreed, what might be agreed and what issues are outstanding and that could save a fortune in exchanging solicitor's letters.


As far as child maintenance is concerned it can be agreed in a court order "by consent." After 12 months of the date of the order either parent can apply to the Child Maintenance Service for an assessment, the CMS notify the courts and two months later the court order ceases to have any effect with regard to child maintenance.

Global maintenance is only appropriate when there is substantive spouse maintenance. The global figure is spouse maintenance and child maintenance added together. IF an application is made to the CMS and the calculation is more or less than in the order spouse maintenance changes accordingly. For example if a global order is £1k, say, £600 spouse maintenance + £400 child maintenance and the CMS calculates child maintenance at £300 spouse maintenance would automatically rise to £700 so the total amount remains the same. Therefore there is no point in either party going to the CMS.

[Goodbetterbest]

STIDW - thank you for your hugely helpful post.