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Cheating Husband

(10 Posts)
Vicky46f Sun 03-May-15 16:04:40

Hi I hope someone reads this as feeling very desperate.
I'm 26 and have a 19 month old son. I've been with my husband since I was 18 and been married nearly 3 years. We have a lovely home and family and are very happy. Well I was.
I have just found out my husband has been having an affair for 2 years (started while I was pregnant) and has slept with others before this relationship. I'm heart broken.
Me and my son are staying with my mum atm. My husband says he wants me back and has made a massive mistake. I don't think I can ever forgive or trust him again. My Dad was also a serial cheater and chooses not to have contact with me so I feel strongly about promises made with marriage and cheating.
I surpose I'm asking for some words of support and any ideas of how to re start me life. Me and my son are living in my mum's box room. Do I kick my husband out and go back home. I only work part time I don't have the money to run the house. I'm lost.

joopy79 Sun 03-May-15 21:36:03

I don't have any great advice, but be kind to yourself, don't rush into making a decision, wait for the dust to settle and see how you feel.

Iwasbornin1993 Sun 03-May-15 22:30:33

Sorry, I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this! Can't imagine how it must feel.

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thelonggame Mon 04-May-15 19:29:52

hi Vicky sending gentle hugs your way.
It must be such a shock, I can't imagine what you are feeling.
Get yourself off to the CAB or look for a local solicitor that offers a free half hour and find out exactly where you stand legally. The better informed you are it will be easier to make decisions.
If it were me I'd be looking at returning to the family home asap and asking STBXH to leave, you and your son don't deserve to be camping out in your mums box room.

gemsio Mon 04-May-15 22:27:39

Oh my love, this must be dreadful.
Have you checked what your entitlements would be with regards to tax credits etc? Have a check to see where you would stand financially.
It is incredibly difficult to hear that your husband has been unfaithful.
I wouldn't make any rash decisions just yet and give yourself a bit of time to process this news.
Does he have family he can stay with so you can go home with your little one?
If he is willing to leave for a while so you can get your head together if he is serious about getting back with you he will do whatever it takes.
tell him you need time, and can he stay with parents or friends for a while. Do your research as to what help you are entitled to, and just come to terms with what has happened, hopefully when you have a bit more information and have had time you will know what you want to do.
just sending you a big hug, this is a horrible time but it will get better. x

Vicky46f Tue 05-May-15 04:31:59

Thank you for your messages. I'm to ashamed to tell people outside my immediate family so your words are a comfort.
The last few days have been a mess and I'm struggling to sleep. I have decided not rush into anything and make any big decisions yet. But still having moments of madness and having panic attacks. I'm going to citizens advice tomorrow with my brother in the hope of some guidance with benefits etc. (Feeling embarrassed that I will need to do that) Me and my son will hopefully be moving back to the family home at the end of the week once my husband sorts out somewhere to go.
My husband is constantly texting wanting me back and saying he will seek help and change. It's very difficult to hear as a massive part of me just wants to run back and take cover. I'm trying to stay strong and I'm sticking to separating. I've said I won't even consider couples counselling (as he has suggested) for at least 6 months. Hopefully giving him time to speak to someone and get to why he did what he did and if I'm really what he wants. I need him to prove himself and if not I need to move on.
A massive scary road ahead that I never imagined I would be on. X

gemsio Tue 05-May-15 09:29:22

Don't ever feel embarrassed about seeking help with benefits that's exactly why it has been put in place for situations like this, I am in the same position myself took a career break when I had my children so I don't have an income so am going through all the form filling myself to help me while I figure out what is going on as my husband has left me.
It maybe a good idea for him to attend somewhere like relate alone for a while and you could too, and then if/when you feel the time is right you could go together. You are going the right way about it, give yourself time. I totally get what you mean about the not sleeping and feeling in a panic, I have days of feeling like this myself one day I am fine the next I can't stop crying. I think it's the not knowing, everything is up in the air at the moment. It won't be like this forever, whatever the outcome you will be okay, get as much advice as you can.
I called the benefits number and spoke to someone and they were really helpful as I spent the whole phonecall in tears. Then the child maintenance people called me and they were so good, gave me lots of information and we're just very supportive.
Just remember you don't have to go through this on your own you haven't done anything wrong and you are in the driving seat now with this, do what is best for you and your LO.
Couples do get through things like this, but if you don't,you will be okay. x

Vicky46f Wed 06-May-15 10:34:43

Sorry to hear that you are going through a similar situation Gemsio. What is wrong with men... Thank you for your message and your positive advice. I do need to take control of my life but struggling to cope right now. X

gemsio Wed 06-May-15 10:52:00

I know, it is so hard. I was feeling like this a few weeks back. I do feel a lot better now I have started putting things in place for the future.
I know it doesn't feel like it but you will slowly start to feel better. But right now, I know how desperate you feel, it would take everything I had just to go and do the school run to pick up my five year old, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I was just about looking after the kids, they were fed, clean and dressed but as far as playing with them I just didn't have the energy it was all being put into trying not to cry in front of them. so I totally get where you are coming from. Literally three weeks later and I feel a whole lot better, still devastated but it isn't consuming me like it did before.
Just remember he wants to try again so you are in total control.
My husband of 14 years, just told me he didn't love me anymore, brutal. God they are sods aren't they? I hope I can raise my boy to be a better man, and my daughter to choose wisely. Keep going, you can do it. And remember to offload when you need to. x

divorcedtobe Thu 07-May-15 20:52:40

REMEMEBER THIS IS NOT YOUR SHAME. IT IS HIS. DO NOT FEEL EMBARRASSED.
Get as much support as you can. Silence will make you lose your mind with stress.

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