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Ex husband is vile.

(13 Posts)
Confusedfuzz Sun 03-May-15 11:33:49

Separated 18 months ago, ex has been vile since.

He was abusive throughout our relationship. We have two dc together.
Since January this year he had punched me round the face, smashed up my house twice and threatened me weekly.

He doesn't pay for the kids and sees them once a week if that. Never rings them or anything else. He can not separate me and the kids.

I have been with my dp for over a year, he's amazing. Treats my kids like his own.

We would like to live together in the future meaning my dc will have to move school. Stbxh hates dp and threatens him too, I inow he will not allow dp to be a father figure. And he will definitely not sign anything saying the kids can move school or when their passports run out. This is the guy who won't sign the divorce papers.

I don't even know where he lives.

What can I do?

HeadDoctor Sun 03-May-15 15:09:34

Report the attacks to the police.
Call the CMS to set up maintenance payments - they won't backdate anything so do this now.
You can renew the passports without your ex's consent. If he has PR you will need a Specific Issue Order to take the children out of the country unless he consents.
You can apply for a Specific Issue Order to change their school too but you will likely need a good reason for this. Why do you have to move their school? How far away is it? What impact will that have on contact?

Confusedfuzz Sun 03-May-15 15:46:57

I'm moving 20 miles away, I don't drive so need to move school. He has contact through me not through courts, he sees them whenever he's free.

Attacks been reported he got away with it each time x

LaurieFairyCake Sun 03-May-15 15:48:36

How did he get away with it?

Confusedfuzz Sun 03-May-15 16:04:52

Claimed self defence and because no one was here he got away with it

LaurieFairyCake Sun 03-May-15 16:37:33

Have you now arranged that he picks children up from somewhere else so it doesn't happen again?

Have you considered a restraining order?

LaurieFairyCake Sun 03-May-15 16:39:28

Stop letting him see them whenever he's free- set up proper contact times, ignore his messages outside that.

Arrange a third party to do handovers or he can pick them up from school.

Personally Id let him go to court to arrange contact and not let him see them until he took it to court.

HeadDoctor Sun 03-May-15 16:43:14

I can't say the courts would look favourably on you moving and disrupting the children. I understand things aren't through the courts at the moment but I cannot see how you can resolve this without them.

I think you need some proper legal advice rather than continuing to put yourself at risk.

HeadDoctor Sun 03-May-15 16:43:42

Where were the children when he attacked you and smashed up your house?

Confusedfuzz Sun 03-May-15 17:30:43

They were in the house. I am currently getting help with womas aid, they have said they will help me move if wanted.

HeadDoctor Sun 03-May-15 18:29:08

I would seriously be thinking about asking for supervised only visits, preferably at a contact centre, pending a welfare investigation. They must have been absolutely terrified. What is he saying you did when he claimed self defence? What was his excuse when he smashed up the house? I find it very odd that the police just let that all go if there's a pattern.

Confusedfuzz Sun 03-May-15 20:55:13

Your telling me!

He said I hit him.

They said the reason they let the house smash up go because no one was in the house so couldn't say who did it! Even though it was my ndn who rang.

moifem Tue 05-May-15 21:07:10

I would be concerned for the kids security in his care. put a cctv on your house, you could use your phone (unknown to him) or recording device and start gathering evidence from witnesses.
Go to the GP to document your injuries if he does attack you again.
Get a restraining order to keep him from coming around the neighbourhood. Maybe it is not possible at this stage. The domestic violence support helpline or women's aid should be good advice too.
Good luck, your kids need you so your safety is paramount while he is so angry.

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