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(9 Posts)
FuckitAndStartAgain Tue 10-Feb-15 17:08:38

I think I know the answer to this but worth a try!

Is there anyway that my stbx can be coerced into paying some support for over 18 not in education children? Mine can not afford to house themselves, even the one in a good job and the other is unemployed. STBX also wants to stop my maintenance asap although I am going to fight that so I can support the children.

I asked him how they were supposed to live without parental support, having reminded him he lived with his parents until 25. He said he could not be forced to contribute and neither could I. Therefore, it is my choice to live with them and he should not have to contribute towards that.

We are about to start mediation having obtained decree nisi a year ago (he moved out nearly two years ago) and he has not come up with anything constructive at all in response to my Lawyers' letters. He now has a baby on the way and says he wants this sorted but seems reluctant to put any effort in...

There are no liquid assets, smallish pension, about 20K of equity in house, he earns well, until this quarter when his earnings have dropped significantly hmm, about five times my salary. So everything will hinge on spousal for the moment, my scary does not cover rent around here by quite some margin. I have a third child still doing GSCEs and work locally so moving is not an option at present.

Any suggestions? I have a feeling I am well and truly fucked. As form this month instead of paying what was agreed per month he has dropped it by £1400. I can't manage on this. This is calculated on his new 'fair' way of working it out he has decreed. He is pushing me into panicking I think, and doing a good job.

It is so unfair that I can not live with my boys as long as they want to live with me simply because he had sex without contraception with a woman who told me SIX years ago that she wanted his babies...

Any suggestions? I am going to post this in legal too. Should I put it in relationships for responses?

FuckitAndStartAgain Tue 10-Feb-15 21:15:20

Posting in relationships.

ImBatDog Wed 11-Feb-15 14:27:42

you want to force him to pay for two adult children who're not in education?

Er.. tell them to get off their arses and get a job and contribute towards supporting themselves if they're not in school.. or apply for jobseekers!

LadySybilLikesSloeGin Wed 11-Feb-15 14:30:54

I don't think you can to be honest, they are adults, not children. ImBatDog is right, they either work or study.

FuckitAndStartAgain Wed 11-Feb-15 17:31:14

Eldest works, but does not earn enough to house himself. Youngest in school. Middle lad, he is applying for work. Very sporadically. Not great.

Btw I hate that you have paraphrased my post as forcing him to pay. If he had not got his girlfriend pregnant then there would have been sufficient pennies to go round. I can't live with my family because the woman who told me six years ago she wanted my husbands baby had sex with stbx and 'accidentally' forgot contraception!

Not totally blaming her btw the way but the reality is my family is in deep shit as a direct result of their actions.

FuckitAndStartAgain Wed 11-Feb-15 17:32:10

Oh and eldest contributes hugely to household budget. He is a lovely young man.

wheresthelight Fri 13-Feb-15 15:55:42

morally he should be paying as he would be supporting them if he was still living with you however legally he only has to pay maintenance u til they are 18 or 21 if they remain in full time education.

you can't force him to pay so unless you try going back to court I afraid there isn't much you can do

PeruvianFoodLover Sat 14-Feb-15 10:48:35

If I'm reading right, you split nearly two years ago, and he's been continuing to support you and your sons since then?

But now his DP is expecting a baby, he's prioritising financial support to his youngest DC, rather then his two adult DSs, one of whom is working and the other job seeking?

How the baby was conceived is irrelevant - he has responsibilities towards the DCs he has fathered until they are 18, and having supported his older DCs into adulthood, he is now legally (and morally) obligated to do the same for his youngest.

I don't think you'll get anywhere legally, I'm afraid - DCs don't have the right to remain living with a parent after they are 18; and parents are not obligated to house them. You may want them to stay, but Whether or not you can afford to have them living with you is a choice you make - just as you'd choose whether or not to financially support any other adult in your life.

FuckitAndStartAgain Sat 14-Feb-15 11:45:39

As I started, I did know the answer or lack of to this. But thanks for input and thoughts all.

I would offer support, no longer unconditional. But support nonetheless to any young person who was unable for whatever reason to manage alone. Especially my own.

Understand entirely the need to care for new baby, I wonder if the new baby's mother is taking note of the lack of support for a 18 year old required by law? From my perspective I have an enormous number of 'if onlys'. When I started this relationship 30 years ago I was determined to remain independent from him. Life eroded that ambition but by then we seemed set as a partnership for ever. Lots of regrets.

Seeking spousal is horrible really nasty but I have no choices left. The lack of saving, etc throughout our relationship has bitten hard. And to think he works with money! No excuse though, I wish I had never left some things to him while I did others.

As I said, many if onlys.

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