Scared of losing custody - any advice on good lawyers for separation?

[lou1970]

Having a really hard time with my other half.

He's a massive bully (emotional rather than physical, but he's also very verbally aggressive).

He handed his notice in to work and has not got a job to go to, hasn't even written his cv in over 2 months. We can't afford to manage the household bills on my salary alone even if I went back to working 5 days a week, which I don't want to do.

I'm thinking that I don't want my 14 month old son to grow up in a war zone, and if I'm not careful he'll end up being the full time carer and I could lose my home and also custody of my son.

He won't talk to me about getting another job as he feels it's none of my business.

I am at the point of needing some legal advice. Can anyone recommend a great lawyer? I am so scared as he knows a top divorce lawyer!

[ClaireRalph]

I was in a similar situation with my ex-H - he took voluntary redundancy in April 2013 and hasn't found a new job since, and for at least the first year he wasn't even trying. Add a 13 month baby into the mix and it was horrid.

In the end I left, with my daughter and am now living with my sister. I'm in a good position financially as my job pays well and I enjoy it - but in order to pay childcare plus two sets of living costs (my husband remained in the house I solely own, and I can't get rid of him until the divorce comes through) I have had to go back full time.

Have you separated or are you just anticipating you will?
My husband saying that his job situation was nothing to do with me when there was a baby on its way was the death nail for our marriage (although I didn't realise it at the time).

[lou1970]

No not separated yet but everything you say ringng true. Do you have to finance him in the house? Is it a case of paying your half? I'm scared to leave the house with him in it as I've heard you give up rights.

I also am very lucky and love my job and am well paid but I'm in London, and even on 5 days I can't afford this house let alone 2 places! I keep fantasising about buying a place near my family but my job doesn't exist there so it would mean giving up my income and a career I love...

[ClaireRalph]

My case is a bit different as the house is wholly owned by me (he isn't on the deeds, or the mortgage), and my husband never really made that much of a contribution to the mortgage (but did pay his way via bills).

I'm not sure if I can demand the exact 50:50 of all living costs in relation to the house, but I haven't gone down this route given I can afford to cover my costs, and don't want to agitate the situation further.

My ex-H and I have agreed between us that I will give him a cash settlement equivalent to the escalation in the house price over the length of the marriage - only 3 years. This will wipe out my savings but preserve the equity I have in the house which came to me via an inheritance years before the marriage.

My lawyer advised me that you don't give up rights if you leave, and I have the right of re-entry at any point. In September I left after my ex made several threats of violence - at that point I din't care about legal rights, I simply needed to get my daughter into a safe environment.

[lou1970]

Thank you, that's really helpful. Great news I can potentially leave the house; gives me more options. I think I need to find myself a lawyer just so I can make the right next move.

Wish I'd never put him on the mortgage or house deeds. It was all my quiet went into it.

Hope your situation gets resolved swiftly and with minimum fuss. Sounds like you are being very understanding!

[STIDW]

if it's unsafe move out straight away, then speak to a solicitor. Otherwise speak to a family solicitor first. Although you have home rights to live and enter the property in reality exercising those rights can be difficult once you have left. A solicitor can tell you about options for funding legal services, whether an injunction and an occupation order is appropriate in your particular circumstances.

No one can advise you about a lawyer without knowing roughly where you live, but the family lawyers organisation Resolution has a searchable database.