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Mediation

(4 Posts)
Jules2011 Mon 05-Jan-15 13:21:21

Hi

I am going through a divorce. I have been a stay at home Mum for 7 years and found out that my husband was having an affair, he is still with this other woman and has admitted adultry as grounds for divorce.

So I now have to go through mediation and I really don't know what to expect. Should I be preparing anything?

I am really worried as feel like I am in a very vulnerable postion, having no job etc.

Any help appreciated.

Thank You

ConfusedNC Mon 05-Jan-15 19:25:54

I've just been through some mediation for child arrangements but not financial. You can specify.

In some ways it wad good and in others pointless. Xhtb made agreement and I felt hugely relieved and positive afterwards. Within two weeks he'd broken several points in the agreement and said he hadn't got a good deal so would be seeing about going back again. I haven't heard anymore about this though.

Have you got a solicitor? Can you afford one? Mediation isn't free either but I've no idea if you can get legal aid for it.

Don't let him dictate who you see though. I ended up with an approved list from my sl and mediators were in fact one male and one female lawyer who work together which was excellent.

You have to go for an assessment meeting first. You'll do that separately. Yiu can say what your concerns are there. I cried all way through mine if it's any reassurance. They were lovely.

I'd do the assessment (miam) and then you can decide if you want to carry on with mediation. It's tough sitting round table with x though as the one hurt by them.

Jules2011 Mon 05-Jan-15 19:49:13

Hi - thank you for taking the time to reply.

The mediator we are seeing is one my solicitor recommended. My husband is paying for the cost of the divorce, I only have to pay for the financial side. I am hoping we can sit down before mediation to thrash out a few things to save us some money (that's if his OH allows it, as they are both cheats she will feel uneasy).

I guess I will have to work out what I need to live and go from there?

I was also worried like you said, that an agreement might be made and then changed as the costs can really add up if that happens. I have an assessment meeting booked in, but we will both be there at the same time. I guess I am going to have to make it work as the other option is through the courts and I don't have the money to spend on that!!

I am dreading it though - feels like counselling!!

ConfusedNC Mon 05-Jan-15 20:06:18

It really isn't counselling though I get what you mea! They should see you separately at the miam, even if you're both going at same time if you see what I mean, and you should also have info from them about the process.

I wouldn't meet him first. Just try first session. Ours had flip chart and put all our concerns on agenda then worked through them.

Costs was £90 for miam ( I think) and £200 each for each meeting which lasted about 2 hours. Again first half hour was separate chat and set up before 1.5 hours negotiations.

If you don't like them and they don't seem to allay your concerns then try someone else. I think process is hard on injured party, and that needs to be recognised. They won't take sides but if they're good they should listen to concerns before hand and not allow bullying or unfair behaviour. They're there tomorrow help you reach an agreement, which will be rubber stamped in court.

We haven't done finances yet and I've not decided if I'll mediate for that yet. Every case is different but my x changes his mind daily and is a bare faced deluded liar.

It can't hurt for you to prepare your financial information first. In fact my solicitor is getting form e done anyway otherwise you have no basis for negotiation.

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