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Custody

(17 Posts)
MistletoeBUTNOwine Wed 31-Dec-14 17:14:26

Ex DP says he wants "at least 50/50" custody of our DS.
We've agreed so far that he'll have him while I work 2 days a week. Overnights not yet because I'm still breastfeeding (11m DS)
We're awaiting mediation
I don't want 50/50. Is he likely to get it? I also have a 9 yo Dd from prev relationship.
We have split up because of ex dp's emotional and physical abuse and heavy drinking. He says he's no longer heavenly drinking. He's speaking to his 'barrister' in the new year...
Any advice???

MrsTawdry Wed 31-Dec-14 18:32:55

No he's not likely to get it. You're breastfeeding and I am pretty sure that he won't stand a chance.

Your son will be better of spending the majority of time with you and his sibling. Any court will see that.

MistletoeBUTNOwine Wed 31-Dec-14 20:23:23

I hope so, Mrs brew

britishbakeoffblues Wed 31-Dec-14 20:30:53

Do you have proof of the abuse? Contact with police etc?
I doubt he'll get 50/50, especially with you breast feeding.

MistletoeBUTNOwine Wed 31-Dec-14 20:35:09

Yes, one police visit.
There's more info on another thread I started a few days ago in relationships, title something like how to deal with ea ex dp..

MistletoeBUTNOwine Wed 31-Dec-14 20:35:43

He says because DS is nearly 1 I don't need to bf any more sad

AmantesSuntAmentes Wed 31-Dec-14 20:36:19

Abuse and drinking could well be bars to contact, depending upon a courts findings. Don't be concerned by his threat of a barrister. Court is exactly where this should be, given his issues and he'll have to jump through hoops to prove his ability to care for your D's, once they've heard these issues.

AmantesSuntAmentes Wed 31-Dec-14 20:36:20

Abuse and drinking could well be bars to contact, depending upon a courts findings. Don't be concerned by his threat of a barrister. Court is exactly where this should be, given his issues and he'll have to jump through hoops to prove his ability to care for your D's, once they've heard these issues.

AmantesSuntAmentes Wed 31-Dec-14 20:36:24

Abuse and drinking could well be bars to contact, depending upon a courts findings. Don't be concerned by his threat of a barrister. Court is exactly where this should be, given his issues and he'll have to jump through hoops to prove his ability to care for your D's, once they've heard these issues.

AmantesSuntAmentes Wed 31-Dec-14 20:38:02

He doesn't have a say in how long you and your ds choose to breastfeed for!

MistletoeBUTNOwine Wed 31-Dec-14 20:41:19

Would a court see it like that though?

AmantesSuntAmentes Wed 31-Dec-14 21:30:23

Which part? Extended breastfeeding is recommended anyway, which supports your decision. He can't prevent you from doing the best by your son! Breastfeeding is your choice.

Regarding abuse and drinking, once these issues are raised by you, the court (via cafcass) must carry out a full 'fact finding'.

You have a police report, this will help. As will anything you've divulged to your GP or a counseller (you can give permission for a court to request these records, to substantiate your claims).

As for drinking, the court can force him to submit to alcohol testing and usually will, where there are concerns of alcohol abuse.

Did you know that women who have experienced abuse, are entitled to full legal aid in family court proceesings?

AmantesSuntAmentes Wed 31-Dec-14 21:30:25

Which part? Extended breastfeeding is recommended anyway, which supports your decision. He can't prevent you from doing the best by your son! Breastfeeding is your choice.

Regarding abuse and drinking, once these issues are raised by you, the court (via cafcass) must carry out a full 'fact finding'.

You have a police report, this will help. As will anything you've divulged to your GP or a counseller (you can give permission for a court to request these records, to substantiate your claims).

As for drinking, the court can force him to submit to alcohol testing and usually will, where there are concerns of alcohol abuse.

Did you know that women who have experienced abuse, are entitled to full legal aid in family court proceesings?

MistletoeBUTNOwine Wed 31-Dec-14 21:56:27

I'm getting legal aid Amantes, thank you. My gp knows a little, and a counsellor too. Plus the local DAS who've been supporting me.

I was worried about the breastfeeding, in case he says I'm only doing it so he can't have DS sad
I also home educate dd, very autonomous, so I worry he'll use that against me (no structure, no curriculum etc etc).
I have friends in the home ed world who can help with that though.

MrsTawdry Wed 31-Dec-14 21:59:08

Of COURSE a court would see it like that. It does not matter if he thinks you're only doing it to keep DS...he can think you're only doing it for ANY reason he wants but that is not his business and ALL courts would say the same.

Your DD's education is nothing to do with anything either.

AmantesSuntAmentes Wed 31-Dec-14 22:08:39

Noo, he cannot use breastfeeding against you! No way, no how!

Nor can he use home ed! Law states that any one parent may make a unilateral decision to home ed and that home ed is not to be considered in any way neglectful/ cause for concern, etc.

AmantesSuntAmentes Wed 31-Dec-14 22:11:36

In fact, if he starts slinging ridiculous statements around, such as 'she's only bf to get at meeee!', 'she home eds and I don't liiiike iiiit!' the court will most likely take a very dim view of him.

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