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Advice regarding Christmas presents when separated

(3 Posts)
leggypeggy Thu 25-Dec-14 19:00:41

So, this is the third Christmas since separation. Ex has never contributed towards Christmas presents for DD and I haven't asked him. However, back in November this year he asked if he could get the main present that DD asked Santa for. Of course I said yes to that.

He had not made any contact to make any arrangement to see DD over the Christmas period, but on Christmas Eve I received a text from him to say he had gone away for Christmas and DD will have to just have the gift when he got back! I have no idea why I thought he would have delivered this gift on Christmas Eve or before!

After much deliberation, I went out to the shops on Christmas Eve and bought the main present, I couldn't face the disappointment on Christmas morning, plus it was an item that made other Christmas gifts work. Also, given his track record, I very much doubted that he had even bought said gift in the first place.

It is now the end of Christmas Day and I am SO glad that I went out and bought the main gift on Christmas Eve as I cannot imagine how sad and disappointing today would have otherwise been. DD is 8 and a true believer! It is now the evening of Christmas Day and I have just received a text as a message to DD to say Merry Christmas to her and that he will see her this weekend with presents that Santa left at his house. I know this is purely an afterthought and something the people he has spent Christmas with have told him to say.

What to do now? It's the first he's mentioned about even seeing her over the Christmas period, and the chances are that he hasn't even bought this actual gift yet anyway. Do I just tell him that I bought it, and gave it to her today from Santa, so if he has got one he should take it back and get her something else. Do I let her receive it if he has bought it and then we sell it and buy something else. Or what? I have no idea really what to do for the best in the best interests of DD. The concept of Santa going to his house to drop presents off has never occurred or been discussed at any point in the last 3 years, though is feasible and is what a lot of families do I know. I don't trust him to have bought anything and don't know whether to introduce this as a concept. Anybody been in this position and can tell me what worked out best for their child please?

CalleighDoodle Thu 25-Dec-14 22:05:01

Just tell him im sure dd will be so excited about opening more presents. She was delighted with her lot today, her favourite being (said item). What did you decide to get?

FlowerFairy2014 Sat 27-Dec-14 17:32:51

Yes, it's very unfair. Mine is the same. I spend probably £40- £50k a year on the children all in not including housing them and their father managed a CD for one of them which he does not like this Christmas and often provides nothing. Sometimes he's given him £100 which as against the £50k costs I bear is hardly fair - it's like the annual maintenance. To reduce that £100 down to the free CD certainly made us all laugh.

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