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What do I do?

(4 Posts)
Derewyn03 Sat 20-Dec-14 19:14:26

I have been married for 13 years to a pretty great guy. I was 23 and very happy. We had a son and I settled down to family life. A few years on my husband was made redundant and was out of work for a year in that time he became very depressed and I took control of everything.
He found it hard to get full time work so we agreed that he could work part time and look after our son till he went to secondary school. Well that was in September and he doesn't look like he's made any effort. I was made redundant a year ago but found work but had to take a huge pay cut. Money is very tight and my redundancy pay has pretty much dried up. My husband spends his time moaning about his part time job, the fact that he has to work weekends, picks on our son constantly for stupid and pathetic things, he even goes into our sons room looking for stuff to moan about. He doesn't go out ever. He never attends any family functions. in the past 8 years we have not been out as a couple and before that it was only ever to the cinema. I have never been materialistic but I get nothing emotionally from him either. He doesn't drive and never will and I have so little support from him it's like living with a lodger. My son wants a dad upgrade which was horrifying to hear. I can't bear to be around him anymore and have been feeling this way since September. I think I fell out of love with him and we just circle each other. I don't want him to touch me either. I hate living this way when I am trying so hard to make everything better. Not only do I work full time i volunteer as a counsellor one night a week while studying to get an advanced diploma to try and make our situation better and help run a sports team which is the time I allow for myself but I get moaned at for getting in from work late, for being out twice a week. I feel so trapped which is not me. I love being sociable they used to say opposites attract. I'm not so sure. I want out but the idea of leaving is terrifying even though I know he needs me more that I need him. He's not a terrible person,he's just not the one for me any more. How do I tell him this?

WillkommenBienvenue Sat 20-Dec-14 19:19:35

If you separate would you want him to stay with the children as main carer and you move out?

WillkommenBienvenue Sat 20-Dec-14 19:20:17

Sorry to cut to the chase!

Derewyn03 Sun 21-Dec-14 11:24:17

I would want my son to stay with me but I wouldn't refuse access

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