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What do I do?

(15 Posts)
Ally321 Wed 17-Dec-14 11:12:41

My husband left me 6 months ago saying I was lazy and wouldn't get a job.
My youngest is 17 and still at school. I am 47 and haven't worked since I was 23. He is divorcing me for Unreasonable Behaviour, I wanted to defend and cross petition for his behaviour but my solicitor said there was no point. He is still paying the bills at the moment but says he will not pay me forever. What do I do?

ClaireRalph Wed 17-Dec-14 14:08:41

There is no point defending and cross petitioning - you will have to pay a second court fee and the result will be the same - the progress to decree nisi.
Do you agree that the marriage has broken down irretrievably? If not have you tried to talk to your ex and ask him how to salvage the relationship?

When the divorce comes through your ex will stop paying bills etc for your former matrimonial home, and you will have to go your separate ways financially etc. Only minor children (under 18) will attract child maintenance so it is likely that you will have to find a job to support yourself - is there a reason why you haven't worked given your kids have reached/are nearing adulthood?

Good luck - make sure you have people around you to provide support in the upcoming period - you will need it.

Ally321 Thu 18-Dec-14 06:26:21

Thanks for reply. He moved in with another women, so I don't want him back now.

He had been going on about me getting a job for years, but I enjoy being a full time stay at home mum and looking after the house. I don't see how he can expect me to get a job after not working for so long. Shouldn't he just have to keep paying me something? I'm 47 so its not many years left until I'm due to retire anyway. It seems unfair that he can leave me and stop paying me soon. What do I do next?

wellcoveredsparerib Thu 18-Dec-14 10:25:54

Close to retirement at 47? shock
You won't be entitled to a state pension for 20 years. Surely you don't think he should 'keep' you until then?

I think you should listen to your lawyer and start thinking about how you can provide for yourself in the future.

arlagirl Thu 18-Dec-14 10:27:48

Sorry you need to get a job.

PurpleWithRed Thu 18-Dec-14 10:35:15

"He had been going on about me getting a job for years, but I enjoy being a full time stay at home mum and looking after the house." Good grief. Go out and start supporting yourself, it's about time.

ClaireRalph Thu 18-Dec-14 10:38:46

You seem to be alluding to spousal maintenance - but unless you are severely disabled and unable to work the court would not grant this. Courts try to achieve a clean break for both parties, and with your children all but grown up there would be no reason for your ex to support you financially.

Sorry that this isn't what you want to hear, but at 47 you have a really significant part of your working life to go. As part of the divorce settlement you might want to consider your training needs and getting some money for courses to help you achieve a job quickly.

wellcoveredsparerib Thu 18-Dec-14 10:43:43

Claire made a good point about funding training as part of a settlement.

You've got a lot of life left op. This could be the start of an exciting new chapter.

springlamb Thu 18-Dec-14 10:48:02

I don't think there is much you can do about your own personal situation. You are the same age as me, our state pension will not click in till we're 67. If we first became available for work at 16, that means you have about 40 percent of your working life ahead of you.
I should try to negotiate some help for your youngest through university etc, in the form of an allowance or something (if they intend to go that route). But that won't be a given.
For yourself, I should go to the Jobcentre and have a consultation. Perhaps if homemaking is your strength you might find something with a connection - even if it is the home department of a local store.

SillyPops Thu 18-Dec-14 10:51:58

To be honest by your first two posts I agree with your husband. Why on Earth can you not get a job?

Looking after a house and a 17 year old is nowhere near "full time" stay at home mum. That must take you, what? 2-3hours a day max?

Sorry, but you can't expect your ex to 'keep' you, get a job.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 18-Dec-14 18:07:26

Is this for real ? confused

Fairylea Thu 18-Dec-14 18:11:08

You can't expect to stay at home forever. My mum went back to work aged 60 after being out of work for 20 years. You need to contact some job agencies and the job centre and get them to help you with a cv and start applying for things. You have at least 20 years of working life ahead of you, you can't expect your dh to support you.

Cabrinha Sat 20-Dec-14 00:21:28

Good grief!
If you said it was a mutual decision that you'd be a SAHM for ever (for 18 years after your youngest reached adulthood?!) and he went back on that and you were disadvantaged financially as a result of decisions taken and therefore wanted a short period of spousal and retraining money I'd think "yep, that's fair".

But I'm afraid I lost all sympathy at you wanting to sit around on your backside for TWENTY YEARS til retirement with no children under 18, paid for by him. In fact, I'm close to looking under the bridge on this one.

Bloody hell! No wonder he called you lazy. He shouldn't have cheated though, you have my sympathy there.

Marylou2 Sun 21-Dec-14 19:40:29

Wow OP this must be wind up.You won't be retiring for another 2O years at least
Get a job, pay some tax and NI and private pension contributions.Or are you expecting othet tax payers ti fund you in the same way your poor husband has. Cruel to be kind maybe but you need to get off your behind.

Ifyoubuildit Sun 21-Dec-14 22:03:02

You may be eligible for spousal maintenance, my DH pays his ex wife nearly half of his income. Only half of that relates to the children and will stop when they finish education. The rest is spousal maintenance and will continue for life.

She lives the life of Riley and DH works his socks off (their DCs are 11 and 13).

I think you need to get a job but you may be eligible for spousal maintenance if you're lucky.

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