Weekend sports activities(7 Posts)
So when you divorce, do you just accept that either regular sports activities at weekends by the dcs are a no no generally because they impede on your ex's time with them?
It's just that my dcs love their tennis on Sat ams. H has never liked the weekends having activities arranged. So should I just let the dcs know their tennis will fall by the wayside because I'm not prepared to pay 100% of fees for 50% of lessons.
How old are the DCs? Could they go unaccompanied (ie are there practical obstacles or is this a matter of whose preference comes first?)
Can they tell the other parent, with enough force to carry the argument, that they really want to do them? And will you accept it if they say that they're actually not that bothered either way?
My view is that separated parents should try to keep their children's routines going if possible, so I would stress to my ex that they really enjoy their tennis and that you think it's really important that they continue going.
My dd plays netball on Sunday's which exh never once went to when he lived with me. Nowadays she tends to be at his on Sunday's and he's finally started taking her. He doesn't stay and watch which she just accepts but at least she still gets to play.
Would he refuse to take them when they are at his?
PArents have a duty to protect their children from the cross fire of family breakdown. This is just a difference in parenting and there is no absolute right or wrong, just parents with different attitudes doing different things. Rather than parents starting out from fixed positions children need at least one parent to forgo the determination of "who is right and who is wrong" and put the interests of the children first.
If your ex won't take the children EOW you could explain the situation to the tennis coach to see if they will charge less or if there is another class the children could attend during the week. Or perhaps there is another another activity instead that would fit around the child arrangements.
We spent years going to weekend sport with my wife, her boys and the ex was often there.
It was a real battle at times to suck up the emotions but we all did it for the children.
They are in their 20's now and definitely remember the fact that we managed to make it work.
If there is any way you can negotiate an amicable way to get your kids to their sport, or other activities, then do it.
Just remember don't push the boundaries for example if the deal is to pick them up and drop them off at certain times then make sure it happens and communicate if any issues.
I really hope you and your ex can sort something out, although it's not always possible and as others have said you might need to find other options that suit your schedule.
I think your ex is being selfish. If your children enjoy tennis and had a routine of going, he should put them first and allow them to go. It's only an hour or so so I'm sure he can suck up his attitude and let them continue learning a wonderful, social, healthy skill.
Obviously he's an arse if he's just being selfish. But if it's a genuine position that he wants to spend time with the kids, it's not less valid than your view. Although kids should come into it.
Tbh, if the kids really like it, if the club really can't reduce the fees for you, I would still pay. Yes, you're paying double per session, but your outgoing doesn't increase. In your mind, I'd reframe it as "the cost of tennis", an annual cost for the experience. And not think of it as 100% for 50%.
Might he do every other of his every other? So they're going 3x a month.
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