Talk

Advanced search

What do i do, where do i go? First time separation here & need some help please

(4 Posts)
emma16 Wed 29-Oct-14 04:00:31

Without going into a long story compared to my other posts, my husband & I have decided to separate and I have absolutely no idea what to do next or what i shouldn't do sad
We've decided we can no longer live together as a family of 4 as H cannot deal with DS anymore (his step DS).
We've had many many issues with DS for a long time now, things got worse over the past 2 years & H basically ran out of patience for DS 18 months ago.

Last Oct DS was initially diagnosed with Aspergers & adhd, which explained a lot. Since then life at home has been hell in a word.
H always thought DS could potentially live at his biological fathers house but after many months I knew this was not an option I could ever live with.
H has struggled to deal with the fact he feels like i shifted our marriage to number 2 priority when he always thought it was number 1.

3 years back I had a very brief one time interaction with another man, H knew about this & we worked through it. Recently since getting back into employment after 7 years of being a SAHM, H has decided he doesn't like this change. I bore him with talk of my work apparently, he thinks something could potentially be going on with someone at work (its not) because im keen to get there or work extra.
No, that's all because i'm learning a lot & glad to finally be starting a new chapter in my life

However, H has said this decision for us to split is because of DS. The incident 3 years ago is nothing to do with it as we worked through it & were fine. He can't accept DS for the way he is, doesn't want to & can't see that he can continue to live a life with him under the same roof.

Obviously I have chose my son over my husband, if you want to put it like that, and i can't apologise for that. He's my son & im responsible for his upbringing & wellbeing.

So what happens next? H suggested in his talking to me that I move out with the kids, we have a 6 year old DD together, as I will get help with rent etc. Will i? Im changing my working hours to Mon-Fri 9-3 in the first instance as i don't want to involve childcare for DD right now & add another new change to her life.
We've both said we want to try & remain as amicable as possible, neither of us wants to see the other on the bones of our arse etc. But i've no idea what i'm going to do.
I could potentially buy him out of our house but im not 100% sure. Part of me thinks id be better being bought out & starting afresh with a new place rather than the other way around.

Do you have to get a solicitor involved as i really don't have money for that if im also looking at having to start from scratch sad
Why doesn't anyone warn you to just stay a kid forever?

ClaireRalph Wed 29-Oct-14 12:27:40

Hugs - sounds like you have been through a lot with DS and H.
You will need to have a frank discussion about the 'matrimonial assets' - Savings, the house, (pensions if either of you are close to retirement) etc. In most instances the house has to be sold to achieve the split you decide - unless one of you has the means to buy out the other (and the desire to stay in the house emotionally).

Then there is the separate issue of maintenance for DD - paid by the parent who has her overnight the fewest number of nights per week.

I wouldn't advise moving out of the family home - the council won't house you unless you were forced out by domestic violence etc.

Most family law solicitors do a half hour free consultation - I would highly recommend you investigate options locally.

Good luck, and take care of yourself and the children XX

emma16 Thu 30-Oct-14 01:51:15

Thank you for your reply that did help smile
I am going to post in relationships where i have previously as i think that gets a bit more traffic than here...which is surprising really!

Cristina27022008 Fri 07-Nov-14 15:52:23

Hi All,

I am so glad that I found this website it is so helpful. I just started divorce petition, I want to do all the paper works myself and have a lawyer to do just the financial issues, as I do not have much money. I live in Wimbledon and I work in the city. I would appreciate if I could meet up with some one whom went through the divorce to talk. I am so lost and scared. As I know for sure my husband will not be honest in his financial disclosure. As he always been hidden everything relative to his finances.

I am looking forward to hear from any one.

Kind Regards,

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now