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How did you move on- emotionally?

(6 Posts)
Blakey3166 Mon 16-Jun-14 14:37:11

Hi ya, first time poster on this board.bit of a long one- sorry. But I'd be grateful for any advice!

So after 9 months of being seperated, I think I get the hang of it!

But as with everyone- good and bad days.
The financial part is the only part making me stress daily- it's tough working full time shift work, playing "mum and dad" role and trying to keep this ship afloat!

What I would like to ask everyone is, how long did it finally take you to feel "happy/comfortable/confident" after seperation. Was there a defining moment or did it just arrive slowly?
I don't miss ex dh, only for the odd practical stuff like DIY knowledge or similar.
I miss adult company some evenings but not all.
I think I'm nearly there if it was not for always worrying about money- I pay all my bills, an have money left, but I always have to stretch it out and get things we need month by month- there is no excess to blow on a big treat etc- everything on the cheap!

The only other question is- how did you redifine yourself- or didn't- did you feel you needed to?
My days and nights are pretty much the same, but enjoyable mostly- but I can't shake the "missing jigsaw" piece ever.
Does that ever go.?

I'd be grateful for any input x

Minime85 Tue 17-Jun-14 06:02:49

Hi glad you are feeling you've turned a corner in it all. I've been officially separated 8 months now and for me it was in March I suddenly felt freer and lighter if that makes sense? I still have odd days where I think why did he do this to our little family but that's about our family unit not the relationship of him and me.

I joined some local meet up groups but haven't as yet plucked up the courage to go. I find this whole site very important as in rl I'm the only separated person I know!

Blakey3166 Tue 17-Jun-14 14:11:02

Thanks for your reply minime-
I understand exactly how you feel about the resentment at damaging the family unit- you hit the nail on head and the feelings I couldn't describe- I think the bad days are just that feeling- resenting him for the situation he's put us in and not understanding how this person whom apparently wanted the same as me, changed.
But the those days are getting less frequent. And I find myself enjoying my sons company and cherish the ones who ve been my support system in the rw!!
But like you say, it's great to have this board, especially in the evenings when I have free time to read the posts, it makes you realise your not alone, an with great advice/support. X

RollerCola Tue 17-Jun-14 23:27:35

I'm also struggling a bit with this, mainly the guilt at breaking up my children's family unit. I worry every day about how it might affect them.

But that aside I feel like I've moved on a lot since we separated nearly 12mths ago now. I've got used to that unusual feeling of being able to do whatever I want without getting another opinion first (usually 'no'!)

One of the nicest things I've done is start to redecorate the house exactly as I want it. I love it! I've put gorgeous wallpaper up that I would never have been allowed to before, and I'm going to move round every room to make it look more like 'me'

The kids and I have a lovely, happy, calm home and I think they're thriving on it. Although I do worry about them they seem very happy so perhaps a lot of it is just my own emotional guilt issues. I've been wondering about getting some kind of counselling for it.

I feel like it's still early days but a friend of mine told me she was getting divorced today and when I saw all the worry and issues she's in the middle of it made me realise how far I'd actually come from that.

I'm moving on but I think it's going to take much more time to heal properly. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself plenty of time.

Minime85 Wed 18-Jun-14 06:06:29

Roller is right it is giving yourself the time to heal. I decorated too roller, put my stamp on things and was able to get things done so much quicker than if is been waiting for him!

I worry about kids too. Day to day they seem happy but then like on Father's Day when they had just had a good chunk of time with him my youngest was beside herself saying goodbye.

My divorce papers arrived at court yesterday. Strange feeling . It's what I want but don't at the same time if that makes sense. I never wanted to be divorced or even saw our relationship would head that way. It's more what it means about our family unit like I said before. I have moved on from him and started to date.

It is true I think, time does heal x

Blakey3166 Wed 18-Jun-14 17:51:27

Thank you ladies.
I haven't decorated though- haven't had the time!!
I've changed family photo frames round etc though which was weird. I also find it weird that I don't get an opinion on things and only me to answer to!!
I guess there's no definitive time/place- it all just seems to go along and suddenly something makes you realise how far you've come?
I'm not doing the divorce thing at present- we re just waiting on time and money till one of us needs.
I tried the old but didn't appeal- I went on 4 dates but although they seemed quite normal by text etc- only one of them was- the rest were a nightmare!
So I've come off there- an have sort of accepted that what will be will be- although I do have this dread of being old and lonely:-(

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