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Urgent legal advice please

(10 Posts)
whostolethesocks Wed 21-May-14 17:10:44

My ex husband and I have an informal arrangement for him to see our children every other weekend. This weekend he would be seeing them but he is away working. He has said the boys should still go to the house he shares with his partner (the one he had an affair with that ended our marriage) to 'bond' with her. Can I object to his?

fluffybunnies246 Wed 21-May-14 17:44:49

no idea as to how this pans out legally but...I'd be like WTF!!!

I'd assumed that contact arrangements were with the parent...not the other parent's partner! I would have thought you were perfectly entitled to say no as this isn't in the best interests of the children.

whostolethesocks Wed 21-May-14 17:53:58

Thanks fluffy. My thoughts exactly!!

Yes I've said he can see them on Sunday when he returns from working away and I will never stop HIM seeing them but they will be spending Saturday with me. He wants them to bond with their new stepmum and his fiancee! He's quoting all sorts of legal stuff at me and saying it can go to court again.

Chocolate99 Wed 21-May-14 20:18:44

I think when the non resident partner cant have them it normally falls to member of the family grandparents etc rather than part er, is she a relatively new partner as if been togther 3 years its very different being together 3 weeks shock

Spero Wed 21-May-14 20:23:15

I think it will depend on how long they have been together. If it is not an established relationship I think you have a point being concerned; contact is for the children to see their father not his current girlfriend.

But if the relationship is well established and likely to continue, the court may well take view that he is entitled to do what he likes on 'his' contact days, providing of course the children are safe and well.

If he is away the whole weekend, I wouldn't be happy, especially if the children are very young. If he is coming back in the evenings after work, I would probably let it go.

whostolethesocks Wed 21-May-14 21:04:37

The children aren't young. The relationship is not new either as was going on while we were still married (and the cause of our split). We got divorced last August. My point of view is that the contact is for the children to see their father. If he's not there, I'd rather they spent the time with me. He's doing this to hurt me.

Minime85 Wed 21-May-14 21:20:26

gosh my first reaction too was wtf! why would he do that to them or you?

Noregrets78 Wed 21-May-14 21:20:54

Are the DC old enough to give a view?

Spero Wed 21-May-14 22:11:59

If the children are not young and the relationship is not new then sorry, I think you have to let it go.

He may be doing this to hurt you, but in that case, what a twat, try not to give him that power.

Easy for me to say I know, but I have been there, I know it hurts like hell but it will hurt more for longer if you allow him to get to you like this.

As they get older, if he continues to make work a priority over spending time with them, they won't want to go any more.

McKenzieFriend Wed 28-May-14 09:50:57


You currently have an 'informal' arrangement so yes you can object. However, is it wise to do so?

As both of you are separated you are both entitled to move on with your lives independently and that means the emotions involved in new partners, particularly in relation to children.

The fact is, that when he has the children, they are under his guardianship he has parental responsibility and he can leave the children with any person who he may deem fit, as long of course that they are not under or subjected to any 'significant harm'

The bottom line is that if you object, then he can take out a Child Arrangements Order which will give him and you parental responsibility on set days and during that time he can again leave the children with who he pleases.

Unless you can come to an arrangement of what you both consider to be in the best interests of the children, he ultimately will be able to leave the children with his current partner with either your consent or via the courts without your consent.

Perhaps not what you wish to hear but I hope this helps clarify his parental responsibility and rights.

Kind Regards

McKenzie Friend Phil

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