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How do I tell my children?

(7 Posts)
picpoul Mon 31-Mar-14 19:51:20

My husband and I are separating. He's found a flat and moves out in four weeks. It's amicable between us, in fact we're getting on very well since the decision to separate was finally taken.

However, I'm really worried about telling my 5yo and 3yo sons. I think DS2 will adapt well but I'm very worried about DS1...he's a thinker and a worrier at the best of times. DH and I know it's for the best and are happy with the decision but the kids are a worry- we want to make it as ok as possible for them...

Does anyone have any advice about how/ where/ when to tell them? And what on earth do I say? Think DS1 is going to be heartbroken sad

Thanks very much in advance for any suggestions.

picpoul Mon 31-Mar-14 21:05:08

Or if anyone could recommend a book (for us or the kids) that would also be great. Thanks

DaisiesDandelions Tue 01-Apr-14 00:38:04

I told my 6 &4 year olds last week. Similar situation as we were mostly civil by then and he was moving into a flat.

I told the children 5 days before he left which was yesterday.

My husband got argumentative when we discussed telling the children so I decided to do it without him as it would be calmer and easier.

I asked the children if they knew anyone whose mum and dad live in different houses and my 6 year old told me about his friend.

So i said that me and daddy have also decided to live in separate homes. He cried briefly. I hugged him and enthusiastically told them they will now have a house and flat as homes. That they'll sometimes sleep at their flat. That they'll help daddy move in and will choose toys to put in the toy box there from home.

The day of the move I heard the oldest saying to my 4 year old 'we're going to see the flat today, isn't that exciting!' He moved out yesterday and they are sleeping there tonight so it feels familiar to them.

I was dreading telling them but it has been much easier than I imagined so far.

DaisiesDandelions Tue 01-Apr-14 00:40:02

Oh and mine are also boys with the oldest being quite emotional. When he asked for a reason i said that mummy and daddy argue too much.

Minime85 Tue 01-Apr-14 05:56:44

hi Op. same as daisies we told our dds ( 8 & 6 at the time) a week before once his house was secured. did that after advice from mnet. it was long enough I think. in that time we all went together to visit his new house so they could see their room and how far away it was from home.

they helped choose bed covers for their room etc.

we told them together on a saturday morning. we said we didn't want to live together anymore as we were falling out a lot. that we wanted to still be friends (which is true) and we couldn't do that living all together any more. that we would always live them wherever we lived. that live from mummies and daddies to their children doesn't change or go away.

we had the book mum and dad glue which was really good to read to them. we then distracted them with going out somewhere although I forget now where that was.

we all cried and there were lots of questions asked. we said they would live with me but stay with daddy when they wanted. my eldest wouldn't stay though for over two months. she went for the daytimes instead. we very much did it at their pace and still allow them to call or face time the other parent whenever they want to.

we very much keep each other in the loop re dds and have tried to stick to our co parent agreement.

telling them was so hard and for two months youngest who is very emotional had lots of tears and questions. we still get questions (well me more than her dad) but they are less often.

so wish you well as its incredibly hard but I'm on the other side now and we are all happier. I know DDS might not see that now but I see it and God I know I am and it was my ex who instigated the split.

thanks thanks

Minime85 Tue 01-Apr-14 05:57:54

love not live from mummies and daddies. silly phone!

picpoul Tue 01-Apr-14 09:43:53

Thanks both, that's really helpful. This is the thing I've been dreading the most.

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