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Have I made a mistake? Financial separation.

(9 Posts)
WellitsAllGoneNow Sun 30-Mar-14 19:35:41

So, DH and I are separating. Painful but necessary - don't want to go into the details. He has agreed to move out.

He works, I am a SAHM. All our finances are joint - joint account, joint mortgage etc. Here is what I have done so far re financial separation:

1. I have opened a bank account in my sole name. I have enough cash in there to buy food and petrol for a couple of weeks.

2. I have an appointment this week with the CAB to find out about what benefits I can apply for.

3. This is the bit I am worried about - I have cancelled all the household DDs from out joint account. That includes the mortgage and utilities. I have done this because if they all come out of the joint account as usual, DH won't have anything left to enable him to move out and he will be forced to stay put, and I really, really need him to go.

My plan is to phone all the companies affected this week and explain the situation, that their payments will be delayed until I can sort my finances out, which could take a full month.

I'm suddenly terrified to have thrown myself into what feels like financial freefall. Have I made a mistake?

Thetimes123 Sun 30-Mar-14 20:57:28

I don't think cancelling DD is a good idea, how on earth are they going to get paid if you're a sahm. Phoning to explain will make no difference to the utility companies etc

AgentProvocateur Sun 30-Mar-14 21:06:30

God, no, don't cancel the mortgage DD (or any others!) How are you intending to pay it?

ravenlocks Sun 30-Mar-14 21:06:36

Sorry you are going through a tough time OP.

But yes probably a mistake to cancel the household DDs, can you reinstate them? Your mortgage lender may allow you to take a payment holiday, but you will be in a much better position to negotiate this if you sort it out with them upfront, not after you have defaulted. Same with the utilities etc.

WellitsAllGoneNow Sun 30-Mar-14 21:51:35

So what's the alternative? He can't leave otherwise.

AgentProvocateur Sun 30-Mar-14 22:15:52

You'll be in a worse situation if your utilities get cut off and your house gets repossessed. Are you intending to keep it on? Please don't do anything till you've spoken to CAB. I'm sorry you're in that situation. Take care.

duchesse Sun 30-Mar-14 22:24:50

If he can't afford to move out without you taking over the bills (which you can't if you are not earning money) then you are stuck between a rock and a hard place- basically you can't afford to do this unless you sell the house and trade down. What you are trying to do is make a salary that used to pay for one establishment, pay for two.

Cancelling the DDs, especially the mortgage, is a big mistake. It will make the bank a little nervous as well.

Misfitless Thu 03-Apr-14 23:05:14

Sorry that you're going through all this Well.

I think he has to stay put until you sort the finances out. How are you planning to pay the mortgage and utility bills, OP?

I'd reinstate all the DDs for the time being and give myself a good few months to try and work out the best way to move forward, financially.

Are you going to try and get a job, OP? I think if it were me, I'd be looking to get a job, and not even thinking about cancelling anything, or anyone moving anywhere until I was sure that it was financially do-able.

Sunnysummer Thu 03-Apr-14 23:20:41

Agree with the others that unfortunately you need to reinstate the direct debits ASAP. You can't expect to be able to take a payment holiday on most, let alone all - and if you can't even pay for the first month, how on earth will you be able to get the cash in he second month to cover not one but TWO sets of bills.

Does he have a friend or family member he can stay with? Or can he rent a single room cheaply? Or worst case, can you and the DCs go to stay with family for a bit? Or you pick up some extra cash from cleaning or odd jobs, just to tide you over for the day to day?

Hopefully the CAB will be able to help, hope that all goes as well as possible in the meantime.

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