Wife Left me and now we are separated

[LostHusband]

I could really use some insight and help. I love my wife and while I may not have always been the best husband I have never given up on her. I have never emotionally or physically abused her. I am in the military and have served for the last 14 years. We have been married for 10 years this June. I have scoured the internet, books, and videos to try and understand why this is happening to me.

My wife has said in the past during fights that she was contemplating divorce and that she was unhappy. I would get to the root of the issues and work on those and everything would seem to be going great. Our intimate life has not been very good over the past 3 to 4 years and we found out last year why. She was diagnosed with stage 3 endometreosis. We talked and as we already have two wonderful kids age 6 and 9, we went with the full hysto in Nov the day before her 29th b-day. I was there for her during the hysto and the 6 week recovery time.

Our intimate life shot through the roof and everything was great or so I thought after her 6 week check up. She started to spend a lot of time on the phone and while I was at work with a friend of ours. She was exhibiting the signs of a cheating spouse. I talked to her about this in early Feb and we got into a fight about trust. I do believe she was not doing anything with him. come one month later and she had started to distance herself from me and the children, and was spending all her time on her phone and on the computer on facebook. I decided to talk to her about this and how she was spending way to much time on these items and how it was pushing me and the kids away.

Well since that time she has left the house and is staying with our friends, and she says I am trying to control her, she refuses to go to counseling and says she is not depressed or have a hormone imbalance. She refuses to go to the doc to make sure, and says she does not love me romantically anymore, and that i just need to accept that this is over. She says that she tried fixing things herself and thought it was caused by the endomtresosis.

I have done so much reading and what not to figure out what was going on and understand so I can help. The only thing I can find that makes any sense is that the endomtreosis messed with her hormones prior and that was why things got better then went bad again, and after the surgery she has not seen the doc since her 6 week check up and the doc gave her a years prescription of synthetic hormone. I have heard stories of women going through the emotional/mental side of menopause after a full hysto but it would really help if some others who have gone through this can tell me to at least hold on to hope, or give me some things to try. I don't want a divorce, and after 10 years of marriage I believe we owe it to ourselves to try and work this out together. Please help

[JeanSeberg]

First thought is she's still seeing someone else sorry.

What arrangements has she made to see the children?

I suggest you get legal advice asap.

[TheFabulousIdiot]

You poor thing.

I think your best bet would be to stop doing anything that could be interpreted by her as you trying to control her.

You may have to play the long game, you may end up never getting back together. It does sound like she doesn't love you anymore.

[LostHusband]

Ya I have already looked into getting a lawyer, I hate the thought of doing that but I have to protect myself and the kids.

She keeps telling me she does not love me anymore but just 4 weeks ago we where having a a great sex life, holding hands kissing, cuddling laughing and enjoying each other.

When she told me that she wanted a divorce and that she no longer loved me I left the house and drove in the tuck, I called a friend and she so happened to call his wife and was worried about me. So I know something is there just hidden/overpowered by what is going on with her.

[JeanSeberg]

I think you need to start doing some digging to find out what's going on here, in particular with regards this other man. Are you sure she's staying with friends? When and where does she see the children?