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Please help

(10 Posts)
ilovemulberry Sun 16-Feb-14 14:51:15

My husband of 20 months has been having an affair. (14 year relationship) There is no going back now. Problem is we have a 5 month old baby, I need to know where I stand legally. I'm on maternity leave still but usually work full time, we have a joint mortgage and both on deeds, he pays the mortgage and I pay all bills, it's been like this since we bought the house 3 years ago. Since being on Mat leave he has given me £350 a month to cover shopping.

I have asked him to leave the house, where do I stand on financial wise? Please help, all I care about is my sons happiness and security

Thank you

vintagesewingmachine Sun 16-Feb-14 15:08:55

Go to a Solicitor tomorrow morning and tell him/ her all of the above. If the house is in joint names then you are entitled to half the value, whether or not you pay the mortgage. Remove all money you can from joint accounts right now.
I'm sorry you are having such a hellish time but to put a PollyAnna spin on it, better now than when your son is old enough to realise his father is a philandering shit and treats his mother like dirt.

LauraBridges Sun 16-Feb-14 15:38:36

Don't rush into anything and he doesn't have to leave if he doesn't want to as you both own the house. May be you can work it out.

Anyway if you can't then the first question is which of you will have the child live with it - probably you but he might want it - so prepare and take legal advice on that.

Next one is which of you earns the most? If one earns more (once you are back at full time work) then that one will pay the other maintenance if you cannot achieve a clean break.

The starting point is work out all your debts and liabilities of both doesn't matter in whose names and split those in half. If that gives enough then that's the deal and you each walk away without paying any on going maintenance except for the child.

You have to have been married for 12 months to divorce but you can start preparing now and get the papers in on the 12 month anniversary. It will not be treated as a short marriage (as you were living together for nearly 15 years and have a children). If it were then instead of a 50/50 split (assuming this is England) you would each just be put back to the same position as you were financially on the wedding day.

I don't think an affair has to end a marriage. Having a first child is very hard on both sides. May be you can work it out.

ilovemulberry Mon 17-Feb-14 10:59:49

Thank you so much for both of your advice. It's so so hard. He wants to make it work,I don't know if I can

Thank you

MaryPoppinsCarpetBag Mon 17-Feb-14 11:59:35

It's not the higher earner that pays maintenance, it's the non-resident parent (parent with 3 or less nights per week). If you go for 50/50 shared care, no maintenance is payable.

LauraBridges Mon 17-Feb-14 12:03:06

Not exactly. My husband who earned a 10th of what I did had the children 0% of the time but still had maintenance for life claims for himself (not for the children) against me. Separately from that is maintenance for the children but I meant spousal payments.

I agree though that if you both earn the same and have the children half the time then there would be no need to make payments to the spouse or children although even then you might need to share a £30k a year bill for full time childcare for two or school fees and there will be issue of who keeps the child benefit and tax credits if any are payable.

twosquared Fri 21-Feb-14 14:20:34

If he wants to work it out then ask him to give you some space to consider it. If you can, go and see a counsellor. And see a mediator together. Fingers crossed you can make an agreement as to what would be fair now, and then use that agreement to protect your financial interests while you take time to figure things out.
That way you haven't been pitted against each other by lawyers.
I hope it goes well for you.

10152530 Tue 25-Feb-14 07:16:58

Who cheats once, cheats for ever!
What were his reasons for cheating? Pretty sure not a valid one...he is a coward who couldn't handle issues in your marriage and face to them to try and work out things... Why he never tried to work out your relationship before, why now after cheating?
He is a selfish. Sorry to be too direct but when you care about someone, you don't hurt their feelings...! He did in your case.sad

IUsedToUseMyHands Tue 25-Feb-14 07:23:06

Or there were no issues in your marriage and he is just a selfish immature fuckwit.

Izzyalex Wed 26-Feb-14 18:00:55

You need to decide first whether you can work through this with him and give your marriage another try or whether it's the end.

Then once you've made that decision - if it's not to be then you can get legal advice on how to handle things. At the end of the day, you are within your rights to ask him to leave your home as he has committed adultery.

All the other stuff about divorce and property and parental split and contact will need to be worked out but just take one step at a time x

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