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(7 Posts)
buggermewhatnext Wed 05-Feb-14 19:39:40

Hi Im splitting with partner. We have a joint mortgage and one child. Im having to leave as he wont. Have discussed this with him but he will not eave as says its me who wants to split so I should go. So I am due as it is not possibe to carry on under the same roof.
Any way today he tells me that he wants to have our son all week and me have him just at weekends. I am the main carer and have been since he was born. I work child friendly hours he doesnt - but says he will get his mum to hep him.
Any advice as to what to do- I want him to have regular contact of course but not to this arrangement.

onetiredmummy Wed 05-Feb-14 22:33:51

Whoa, so he wants to be the main parent & for you to be the non resident parent? You also have to leave the family home?

OP you need legal advice now. If you can afford it, get a solicitor, if you can't then make an appt with the CAB.

Do not let him keep your son all week at any time, you carry on being the main carer & do not budge at all.

I recall advice on here always saying do not leave the family home as you weaken your position, but I'm not sure if or how it applies here. If he works full time its unlikely that he will get the status of main carer but you need to start planning your next moves & it wouldn't hurt to get your legal support in place as he may be doing the same.

MaryPoppinsCarpetBag Thu 06-Feb-14 07:41:59

I'd second the "don't leave" comment. I did and it was something I still regret, even though it was unbearable at the time.

Definitely go and get legal advice.

millymolls Thu 06-Feb-14 14:29:04

Definitely do not leave, not even for a week or 2 break and certainly do not entertain the notion that you leave your son. Courts like to maintain the status quo and you do not want to do anything now on a 'temporary' basis which may later come back to bite you on the bum.

Be open to contact/access etc but make it clear you will not relinquish status as primary carer (unless of course you want to..)

From a legal perspective it is irrelevant that it is you who wants out of the relationship - that does not impact what you are entitled to and does not mean you need be the one to leave.

Go and seek legal advice asap and do not act out of 'guilt'

awishes Thu 06-Feb-14 18:09:11

He's saying all this because he wants to punish you. My OH has said the same things over the years and I stupidly stayed with him in fear that he would get custody. Don't do anything hasty. Your child deserves the stability of the primary carer and that has been you.

STIDW Thu 06-Feb-14 22:07:57

IF you aren't married divorce laws don't apply and the law for cohabitants is complicated. Unless it is unsafe don't move out until at least you have seen a solicitor to find out where you stand and what options there are.

keepingstrong Thu 06-Feb-14 22:11:34

I am in a similar position, do not leave the house that is for sure! It does not matter who is ending the relationship, my OH left us, he has the same rights.

If you are the primary carer, the house is half yours he will have to leave. Do not allow yourself to be bullied.

You need urgent legal advice and make sure you are keeping a diary if he is being in anyway abusive.

It is scary and harder because our child is being used against us but we have to keep our chin up and release, at this stage we need to know what exact rights we have.

good luck

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