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(7 Posts)
DJTom Sun 02-Feb-14 02:58:18

Hello all

I'm quite sad that I am posting in this area of the forum but I need some advice. Firstly I am 21 and I am not parent but I need some advice as my parents have split a year sad well my mum cheated and she is now with a new partner. currently at the moment I live with my sister 15 and my dad in a house. My mum of course want to divorce and although she said she wasn't going to do it for a while my dad is having money problems as he getting less in than what's going out as 1900 something is going out every month.. my mum wont do anything with my dad wont even go out as a family and she doesn't really like seeing him I try to explain that fair enough you have spited up but see one another and go out together still as a family at least for me and my sister as I feel its important to do that still. What do you think? anyway moving on to my main point they are meeting on Tuesday next week to talk about what they can do to sort out the money although she want us to sell the house and I feel she Is going to bully him into it. She says I cant a view because I don't have money invoked In the house! and that I cant come into the room when there having is so called meeting. If the house was to be sold she says we have to pay all the moorage off and she is determined to get half of the money is that right? I have special needs (Learning difficulties) And question mark Autism and Dyslexia and my Sister who is 15 is still a child as in the law and has M.E. Don't you think she my mum should just get quarter of the money? If she gets half we would have to rent and we have 3 pets. Cat, Dog and a rabbit.

What do you think?
Sorry for my awful spelling btw.

Misfitless Sun 02-Feb-14 08:57:09

I don't know where you stand legally, but I doubt it's a good idea for you to try and get your parents to spend time with each other and go out as a family. It might just result in your parents arguing and result in lots of tension.

What is important that you and your sister try and maintain a relationship with your mum, in my opinion.

It must be a very difficult situation for you all. In some ways I think it might be harder to go through this as an adult or older child than if you are younger. At least if your parents are separated, and you can adjust to a new childhood and to some extent be shielded from much of the detail.

Your mum should be contributing something financially to the care and support of your sister. I'm not sure at the age of 21, if she legally has to provide financially for you, though. I'm not sure what the situation is for adult children, though.

I don't know if your dad has sought independent advice or not, but if he hasn't he really needs to do this. If money is tight, and he is unsure where he stands, the CAB is perhaps the best place to start. He needs to make an appointment with the Citizens Advice Bureau as soon as possible, in some areas, it can take a week or longer to get an appointment with the relevant person.

Things are probably going to get worse before they get better, you might well be facing the upheaval of moving and there might be lots of stress for your dad involved with sorting out the financial aspects of the divorce.

However, once this has settled down, things might become easier and once you've all adjusted, I hope you and your sister and dad are happy. Remember, things won't always be so unclear and difficult.

Good luck. thanks

DJTom Sun 02-Feb-14 18:27:08

Hello Misfitless

Thanks for your reply. I don't think there any rule about it so to speak legally. What I meant is that they can see another other when one comes home mainly my dad as at the moment she will gone before he is home i think if there both in the house all day then yeah it wouldn't work. as for going out shouldn't they put all there aguerment behind them and enjoy the day with there 2 children? although there is lots of aguerments already and lots of tension.

Yeah i think that's important although its hard as i tend to get invoked with the aguerments as there is a lot of them at the moment is doing my head in!

Yeah it is and i totally agree as when your younger your not so totally aware of it where as now at my age and my sister at 15 we are totally aware of it. it just feels so different from when we were growning up to what it is now as she doesn't with us now and i used to go to her for lots of things as my dad works full time and evening and weekends and still does.

Haha you try letting her that she wont listen at all she uses the excuse that she isn't working so she isn't earning any money yet she uses some money (Savings) on smoking! Im not sure too as im 21 weather she should pay towards me too but i think its different when someone has special needs.

I don't think he has he has spoken to his brother who is helping but mums funny about that but that's it and had a meeting with his bank. Will be doing the same next week i think with is bother but i will certainly suggest that to him as i know they can be great as i have heard about them.

Yeah that's the worrying part just wished they would get better right now! Yeah i think i mentioned about moving above did you see it? there probably will be.

I will try to remember that hopefully things will improve over time i guess its hard to be positive though

Thanks smile

anon764 Sun 02-Feb-14 20:01:08

Hiya
Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.

Just what I know from friends of mine I don't think that your mum can force sale of the house all the while your sister is under 18 and I would imagine that she will have to contribute financially in the way of maintenance for the whole time your sister is in full time education.

I think your dad needs to contact a solicitor for some advice. If she wants to get a divorce then from what I know there should be an agreement made outlining what contribution if any she makes towards the mortgage and when your sister turns 18 based on whether she carries on paying towards the mortgage they agree that the house is sold and that she will get x percent of any equity.

It may also be worth your father contacting the tax credits as he is now a single father and should be entitled to some help. I don't think your mum can force your dad to do anything tbh so maybe you should tell your dad to stay strong and don't be bullied. Hmrc tax credits helpline, there is also a very good online benefits calculator called 'entitled to' he should have a look at that.

I hope you can continue having a close relationship wih your mum but it's understandable that you are probably feeling quite angry about her lack of consideration for where u and your sister will live.

All the best.

anon764 Sun 02-Feb-14 20:03:40

Also, just to add, do you receive any dal for our special needs? If not, then it may be worth you applying for this too.

anon764 Sun 02-Feb-14 20:04:03

That was meant to say 'DLA'

bradley321 Wed 05-Feb-14 14:28:52

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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