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Just split up - do I have to pay half of mortgage for the next 13+years?

(28 Posts)
barnsley77 Sun 19-Jan-14 09:30:34

I have just split up with my wife. We've been married about 7 years and also had a joint mortgage for about this time too.

She tells me I must continue to pay half the mortgage whilst our daughter (aged 3) is in education (at least another 13 yrs).

I have been doing this almost a year now, but concerned that if/when I met someone else - it wouldn't go down too well (as it is financially hard although not impossible for me to do this).

I also pay child maintenance (although she has agreed to reduce this rate from about £200 month to £160 due to me paying 50% of the mortgage - which is £240 p/mnth).

So I pay £400 p/month in total.
I get £1500 mth (less 400 to the wife = £1100 left for me).

Tax credits 640
p/t wage 860
child benefit 80
Child maintenance 160
Total = £1740 (not including my half of mortgage I give her)

I also look after our daughter whilst she's goes to work every evening (often at her house - until she comes home).

...Is this normal / acceptable or am I wrong for doing this?
Can solicitors request a (still) legally married - for the partner on highest income to financially help out the other one?

OP’s posts: |
chibi Sun 19-Jan-14 09:34:25

you are probably paying more than the bare minimum which csa would stipulate, had you made an agreement with them.

i would say it was fair, provided that your name is still on yhe mortgage, and you get a share of the proceeds when she sells

it is worth talking to a solicitor though, i think- many will do a free consultation for the first hour

Minime85 Sun 19-Jan-14 10:22:34

it sounds like you want to look after your daughter financially which fundamentally is the most important thing. everyone's arrangements are different and I think you should seek some legal advice or at least look at CAB website.

my ex by mutual agreement pays what he should when we worked it out via online calculator. I pay all the mortgage but again this is my choice and I am able to. if u are still on the mortgage then legally it means the debt is still yours too regardless of it u live there or not. seek legal advice.

mysister Sun 19-Jan-14 10:29:43

Can you take your name off the mortgage?Or your ex wife could move somewhere else she can afford with her income and your maintenance.see!s to me you are paying too much

barnsley77 Sun 19-Jan-14 13:57:16

No, I can't take my name off. and No she would never live anywhere else.
Not only that, I can't imagine her ever selling it if/when our daughter moves out and she retires (she would probably stay in it until she dies).

OP’s posts: |
PaulaFletch14 Sun 19-Jan-14 14:56:40

I think you're paying too much. I would only continuing paying mortgage if you get 50% of equity when house is sold. I'm in a similar position but on the other side. My DP is on mortgage with ex wife she has ended up keeping house and all equity, all contents and DP has had to keep name in mortgage even though he'll never see any money from it which affects our borrowing power with new mortgage. He also pays £320 for two kids each month. All this to a women who cheated on him twice and has stalked me. I think women should be more independent and not use the fact they have kids to fleece their ex husbands. Some self respect for themselves and ex husband so they can also rebuild their lives

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Sun 19-Jan-14 15:01:41

I believe a court can order that a property be sold once the children are grown, so your ex would have to comply with that.

ivykaty44 Sun 19-Jan-14 15:07:15

You don't give a breakdown of your wages? Half a photograph will not tell the entire story

CSA ask you to give 15% of your net wages in child maintenance for one child

Morally you need to support your child as you see fit, but this doesn't mean at the detriment to yourself

ivykaty44 Sun 19-Jan-14 15:09:11

Op going and seek legal advise from a half hour free solicitor and see where you stand

ivykaty44 Sun 19-Jan-14 15:11:38

Op going and seek legal advise from a half hour free solicitor and see where you stand

1983mummy Sun 19-Jan-14 21:38:56

My ex pays 50% of the repayment part of the mortgage and I pay all the interest and the other 50% of the capital.

supafish Sun 19-Jan-14 21:44:07

Yes you are paying too much , see a solicitor soon

notarealgrownup Mon 20-Jan-14 21:56:49

You are paying too much. My Ex pays £65.00 per week for 3 DCs with income of £400 per week.
Can you not both just sell the house and split the proceeds so you can both buy somewhere else each?

barnsley77 Tue 21-Jan-14 14:04:10

thanks for the advice.
My ex doesn’t really want to move and if she did – she’d want me to sign another mortgage with her next house for our daughter’s sake (she says) – so she has somewhere ‘nice’ to live.
Tries to make me feel guilty on this.

There is hardly any equity in the house (maybe 2-5k, but I wouldn’t want it).

And I don’t want to be the bad guy, so I just end up going along with the flow and too easily manipulated.

As for ‘breakdown of my wages’ question above - £1500 is my total net income (so I have £1100 left to live off whilst my ex has over £2,000 , of course she has extra costs – such as spending more on clothes for our daughter and food etc and £50 p/mth for childcare, but it doesn’t add up to that much for 1 child).

OP’s posts: |
millymolls Tue 21-Jan-14 15:07:29

i would post this in legal section.

I dont think you will be expected to contribute half the mortgage to her - she is pulling your heart strings/guilt trips on that. At least i have not seen that position be awarded to any family members or freinds going through divorce(although i am not a lawyer)

You need to see a solicitor and start sorting out things officially with regard to fair division of assets (which sounds like there aren;t many if any) Most likley the house could be signed over to her based on the fact there is little equity and you are happy for her to have this, but she would be responsible for making the monthly payments and the mortgage company would need to agree to this- if that is not an option would need to look to either increase working hours for additional income or move to cheaper/smaller property if possible to allow it.
You need to seek legal advice - and i would also suggest you look to formalise arrangements with residency and access to your child also

It is reasonable that you are able to house yourself in a property that allows for overnight stays with your child. You are not a glorified baby sitter but a father and therefore deserve to be treated as such

ivykaty44 Tue 21-Jan-14 19:08:16

You are splitting up, divorcing, separating so you would not take out another mortgage with her, if you want to continue being guilt tripped by her then carry on, otherwise seek legal advice and act on it

The sky will not fall in if you don't dance to her tune

Beccawoo Thu 23-Jan-14 18:08:51

I'm surprised her tax credits are so high considering her pt wage? Mine are much less, about £200 less, and I have no income at all other than xp maintenance?

PottedPlant Thu 30-Jan-14 15:03:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whiteylad76 Wed 21-Aug-19 18:11:54

My partner split with his ex 2 years ago, he pays the full mortgage and £200 a month for his 12 year old son, who he doesn't see because of the mother as she a looney! she has a partner who lives at the property also, she has stated when the house has to sell she will smash it all up so no one gets anything? please any advice on this, should he stop paying the mortgage? were going through the courts regarding access but she is dragging it out, please help sad

Palaver1 Thu 22-Aug-19 08:34:20

No see a lawyer you have a right to have another family as well that house can be sold.As sad as it is it’s not compulsory the house is owned .She can rent.Thats the order given to my colleague.

waterSpider Thu 22-Aug-19 10:22:50

Overpaying and not sustainable long term.
Best action see a solicitor.

yellowallpaper Thu 22-Aug-19 19:40:39

You really need to see a solicitor and get this all legally sorted out. Your ex doesn't have the right to see you couch surfing so that she can be house in a way she things she should. Lots of factors like her working, whether you have joint custody and so on, so please get it all legally organised.

AMAM8916 Fri 23-Aug-19 09:39:53

There's a few options here. The house can get valued and she will have to buy him out of it. So basically whatever equity is there, she will need to pay half of this to him to buy him out and pay the mortgage herself if she wants to carry on living there.

Another option is that the house gets sold and they split the equity.

The final option is that he keeps paying HALF the mortgage and once his child is 18 years old, his ex can either buy him out at half the current equity at that time or sell the house and they split the equity.

In no scenario will she get to stay there, with him paying the full mortgage. It just won't happen!

£200 CM is quite low though, this would mean he must only earn about £1300 a month? That seems low. Whatever he earns, he would have to pay 16% of his wage in CM. So if he stops paying the mortgage, he needs to change the CM to be 16% of his wage instead. Of course, once the court case is over and he gets granted access which includes overnight stays, it would drop the amount he has to pay.

If he is on a high wage, perhaps paying the £200 CM + the mortgage makes it up to what he should be paying per month? We can't really tell without knowing what he earns per month and what the cost of the mortgage is

crimsonlake Fri 23-Aug-19 10:56:35

Why are you letting her dictate everything and guilt tripping you? Stop believing everything she says and seek legal advice. It is one of the sad realities of divorce that lifestyles will be lowered following a divorce and that includes selling the family home / downsizing or moving to a cheaper area.

mswalker555 Thu 16-Apr-20 18:19:46


What was the outcome?
I'm in a similar situation.

Me and the ex broke up
Chile who's now 2.
She won't sell up or pay me off. Currently waiting for the mortgage company to check her income and how she manages for 4 months. Hopefully they let her remortgage.

Please give any advice.

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