Advertisement

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Is not liking someone a sufficient excuse for separation?

(5 Posts)
QuantitativeSneezing Mon 13-Jan-14 22:44:34

Bit of a ramble here, but im hoping that you can give me some perspective on my situation if you have / are separating or have separated parents

I haven't spoken to anyone about this, and other half has no idea I'm even thinking it as we never communicate, but I spend most of my time fantasising about life without him. However the only reason to split is that I just don't like him. Am I being unbelievably selfish to consider this as have 2 dc 6 and 3?

He's an ok father but is (imo) too strict and loses temper easily. He has never abused/intimidated me but is controlling. He does his share of childcare. Sex life non existent but thats as much down to me as him - I am completely uninterested. There has not been any affection in the relationship for years. I think he probably feels exactly the same way about me. Were it not for the dc we would have split about 5 years ago without a doubt.

Do we carry on as we are for the next 15 years for the sake of the children then split when they leave home?

I obviously have no idea what it is like to be a single parent. Am I completely deluded to think that I can do this?

Will splitting up damage my children more than I realise? Is it worse than having parents who are obviously not in love?

Any advice, criticism very much wanted. Thanks!

Oakmaiden Mon 13-Jan-14 22:48:08

I think you only have one life, and it would be such a shame to spend a huge portion of it unhappy...

Handywoman Tue 14-Jan-14 19:33:28

Hi OP i would post this over in relationships, you'll get a lot more input there.

iwannabeslim Thu 23-Jan-14 14:04:49

Hi QuantitativeSneezing, your situation sounds very similar to mine. I was in a relationship for 10 years, as the years went on I grew more and more disinterested and would always fansticise about other being without him and being with other men (no-one in particular, just anyone else). The sex life was non-existent, I would come home late from the work and gym so I only literally had to spend an hour, if that, with him before he went to work for the night. When I looked at him I was repulsed by him and I by the end I had actually got to the point of hating him. I hated everything he said, everything he did but despite that I married him for my sons sake (I didnt want my son to have a broken family as I did when I was little for which I still suffer with to this day) but anyway, I couldnt cope any longer, bit the bullet and it was the best decision I had ever made. I found someone new and I knew this was the real thing, with my ex I constantly looked around to see what I was missing out on, would rarely go out with him as I was embarrassed but its nothing like that now with the new guy.
You definitely only get one life, once which you dont know will end, therefore try and live each day as if its your last. Live, laugh and love! Thats what I do now, and it feels amazing after missing out on so much for 10 years!

alikat724 Tue 04-Feb-14 12:41:33

Hi OP, I asked a similar question some months ago:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1857365-Staying-together-for-the-child-ren-Did-anyones-parents-do-this
While individual experiences vary, the overall consensus seems to be do NOT stay just for the "sake" of your DC. Kids feel the animosity and deserve to have happy parents - and if you cannot be happy with your partner, you are not going to be a happy parent. If you don't like your partner anymore, do everything you can to develop a civilised separation. While divorced parents are not ideal, you already have a "broken home" so formalising that and enabling all parties to move on with clarity would be a more honest way to live. My standard for myself now has become, "would I recommend my DD to stay in a marriage like mine?". If you can't answer yes to that, then lead by example or your DC will end up with a really screwed up view of relationships. Good luck thanks

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now