My head is spinning.....help!!!!

[TheGingerBreadWoman]

Hi, I'm not entirely sure if I am looking for advice or just the need to get stuff off my chest and organise my head a bit!

DH and I parted company 12 months ago - I'm afraid he is a man with his head very firmly wedged up his arse, but not a bad man. We were together about 8 years and married 6 1/2. We have 2 DCs (3 and 6).

We went our seperate ways because we were just making each other miserable - there was no OW/OM we both just realised that we were not happy. After the initial angst, things settled and are reasonably amicable. He see's the DCs one night in the week and every other weekend. he does take them a bit more in the holidays.

Since we have split we have both moved on and found new partners. his DP lives with him and I get on ok with her (as do the DC's) and having her around makes life a bit easier. I have a DP, but due to him living away getting time together is tough sometimes.

The issue is this - DP spent christmas with us, and it was lovely, but I have found myself increasingly thinking about the ex :( . I am fairly certain that i dont still love him (in fact I was certain of that before the split, which was what made say 'enough is enough') but its doing my head in. I feel extremely sad that our marriage has ended, and I find myself looking at the ex and his DP and feeling jealous.

I am very happy with my DP, the DC's love him and him them, but with him not being around all the time i am finding it hard at times. I have a stressful job that i work FT at, and that leaves me feeling frazzeled at the best of times.

Like I said at the start - I dont know what i want from this. Could it be that I am starting to mourn the loss (so to speak) or do I really have feelings for my ex that I have tried to bury? I know this time of year can add to any unsettled feelings, and I am sure that its not helping in this situation, but all that is whirling round and round my head is driving me crazy :(

[Flufflewuffle]

I'm not sure this will help, but is it possible this is simply due to your dissatisfaction with the time you get with your DP? Maybe you want what you see your ex has? As opposed to actually wanting your ex back?

What do you think?

[TheGingerBreadWoman]

It could be you have hit the nail on the head tbh. I was starting to worry that I was pining for my ex (shudder) lol

[Handywoman]

Agree with Fluffle when you are not at your best (frazzled with FT work and raising kids, running a house, trying to grab time with your DP) you are more likely to envy the set up that others have. I think you are envious of your XP's set up rather than pining for the XP himself. Everything is harder in the winter too.

[Hassled]

An awful lot has happened in your life in a very short space of time - a year is nothing really when you think that you've come out of a long relationship and met someone else. I think you're right - possibly it's now that you're mourning the loss of the marriage, but that isn't the same as having feelings for your ex. It's just sadness that it didn't work, which you'll get past.