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Needing some advice

(6 Posts)
Staceyjones19790 Sat 12-Oct-13 12:36:54

My husband left in January. He had been distant for a month beforehand. I loved him very much and our family meant the world to me (we have 2 kids age 5&6). We had major money stresses for his business partners kicking him out of his business (no shareholder agreement as they were great friends, however the other 2 were brothers and wanted a family business) the next few years were mounting debts due to a legal battle and husband starting a new job and me
Home with the kids and studying for a degree. I also got a part time job in the evenings to help make ends meet. He was abused by a trusted family friend when he was 13, he decided a few years back to go to the police and amazingly this pervert admitted it and was sent to prison for nine months. Throughout it all, I was so proud of my husband and believed our future was bright. He often worked away 2-3 nights a week (no trust issues there as we were in constant contact). Inevitably the stressed of business stuff, abuse took a toll on our personal relationship but I just knew how much we loved each other and we would get through it. Until January.
Since he left he has been cold, distant and hurtful. But we are having relationship counselling as so much has gone on and having fought tooth and nail for our future I am finding it hard to not fight for him. I knew when I married him that potentially the abuse he suffered would manifest itself. He blames his parents and had nothing to do with them.

I have also found out he has a casual sexual relationship with a much older woman than me that hurts so much as I cannot understand why he can put effort into that but not repairing our family.
I know that people that have been abused can run away and shut off. He tells me
He definitely doesn't want to get back together but for
Some reason I don't believe him. Why has he agreed to counselling with me? I'm so confused. Do I keep fighting for him like I always have? Or give up.
To understand me a little, I'm not a weak person, I haven't say and crumbled over this heartache, I have taken the kids on holiday and kept my chin up mostly. But I love him, I kind of understand in a way as he has done the typical shut off and run away from problems, but we all know they catch up with you in the end?

Staceyjones19790 Sat 12-Oct-13 12:39:08

Sorry for the typo!

I haven't SAT and crumbled!
Thanks in advance for any comments x

78bunion Sat 12-Oct-13 14:49:51

You seem to be doing everything you can to work with him on his issues with the marriage. Are you still working for your degree and working part time?

Staceyjones19790 Sun 13-Oct-13 10:10:03

Yes, still studying part time and working part time. I work in a hospice so that's a good leveller really as my problems in comparison seem small! But I still am struggling with the heartache of absolutely loving someone and them punishing me and being angry with me when I have only
Ever loved him. I wish I could just say "his loss" etc but I cannot let go ��

Staceyjones19790 Sun 13-Oct-13 10:23:55

Thank you for taking the time to reply btw

78bunion Sun 13-Oct-13 14:56:23

It is certainly rate to agree to counselling if you've left and do not want to be back with someone. I'm not surprised you feel confused.

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