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(5 Posts)
SoSoHappy Thu 29-Aug-13 04:16:05

Just after a little bit of advice. I'm going to see a solicitor as soon as possible but this is just playing on my mind and am looking for others experience.

I separated from my husband a few months ago, my choice to leave as I couldn't take any more of his controlling and possessive behaviour after almost 18 years of marriage. We have one son who is 16 and has autism. As I was the one to leave the marriage and am moving away, I agreed that our son could stay with his father.

Had a meeting tonight with STBXH and he informs me he's seen a solicitor and has made the following proposal.

We have approximately £80k equity in the house. He says that the courts won't force him to sell the house while he's living there with our son (fine, don't want to force him) but that I shouldn't be entitled to anything from the house. That so long as the courts deem our son to be dependent on his father they can stay in the house and I will be liable for half the mortgage, half of the loan which is secured on the house and 15% of my wages in maintenance, his calculation was over half of my take home pay.

He's proposing that I walk away from the house, take over the loan which is secured against the house which has 4 1/2 years left but pay no maintenance or anything towards the mortgage. He would then keep the house and remortgage into his name.

Is this fair? Is that really how it would work?

I should also say that I'm moving to be with my new man who I met just after I split from my husband. STBXH has said that the courts would look at my new DPs income and ability to support me when deciding how much of my wages I should be paying towards the mortgage on my old house.

I really don't want to take half of everything, but it just doesn't seem fair that I should walk away with debt while he keeps the house and the equity in it. He says he's not planning on selling and that the house will be our sons, but there's no guarantee of that. Is there some way that we can have a legally binding document to ensure the house belongs to our son? That he can't just decide to sell and keep all the equity?

I'm sorry if I come across as money grabbing, I'm really not but I have massive credit card debts that I need to sort out and was hoping to clear all my debts when we sold the house. I don't see how I can do that if I'm still paying half the mortgage. Or is my only option to walk away from the house with nothing but not pay towards the house or maintenance for our son.

Sorry that's so long.

toosoppyforwords Thu 29-Aug-13 09:19:21

I'm not a lawyer so maybe post this in legal too?

I dont believe what he is saying is correct. As he will have primary residency of your son currently it is possible he will get to stay in the family home, but that does not mean that you walk away with nothing. You will possibly be entitled to a significant share of the asset - it might need to be sold to release that to you and he will need to purchase somehting else, or its possible you get a delayed share say in 2 years when your son is 18 - or at a time when the courts decide. I think this is referred to as a Messher order (Sure the legal people will correct spelling!)

I also don't believe that the courts look at your new partners income when deciding split of assets. Are there other assets in your marriage such as pensions? If so these will also need some consideration

DOes your husband work? Can he afford to keep the house on his own? Who has been the main income provider over your marriage? IIf he has residency you will be expected to pay 15% of your net pay in maintenance but only for the next few years.

Have you sought legal advice? I think he is trying to call your bluff and scare you. Please seek out a good solicitor.

Lastly, have you allowed your son to stay with his father because that is genuinely the best option for him and your son is happy with that? or is it because you feel you have to as you are the one leaving? If the latter please dont act impulsively out of guilt alone. Have you agreed access?

purplewithred Thu 29-Aug-13 09:30:05

Don't discuss any proposals with him yourself - cancel the meeting/discussion tonight. Get his proposal in writing and take it to a solicitor. Look up family mediation services locally.

SoSoHappy Thu 29-Aug-13 12:47:40

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Toosoppyforwords I will try and answer all your questions.

We both have pensions, his is probably slightly better than mine and he has had his longer but I'm happy for us both to keep our own.

My husband does work, he says he can afford to keep the house, I have 2 concerns with this - 1. I'm not sure he will actually be able to raise a mortgage on his own, 2. He might be able to afford the repayments now but what if interest rates go up.

He was the main wage earner for most of the marriage, but for the last four or five years our wages have been almost equal with him earning only slightly more. I'm happy to pay 15% of my net pay for my son.

I haven't got legal advice yet, I'm trying to find a solicitor now. I have been offered a one hour consultation over the phone though my union in work for £175+vat to specific legal advice on divorce, finances and children.

I have alllowed my son to stay with his father because I do genuinly feel it is the best thing for him. I do the practical care giving such as feeding, washing etc but he has much more in common with his father than me now at his age and they have a really good bond. Also the fact that I am moving away and selfishly want to concentrate on my career now as it's had to take a back seat while I'm been the primary carer for our son. We haven't sorted out formal access yet, we're going to take it at my son's pace. I will be travelling back to see him for a few hours every other weekend until he's happy and comfortable about coming to stay with me in my new home for the weekend.

MiraGohil1 Fri 06-Sep-13 11:33:53

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