Please advise, domestic violence proof needed(2 Posts)
I have a 4 year old son and have been with my partner for 6 years. We are not married but have a house in joint names.
To cut a long story shorter, he is a clear case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. After the first period of treating me like a princess, we agreed to have a child. Once I was pregnant he knew he had me trapped and the mental abuse began. Putting me down in front of other people, belittling me, being rude, manipulative, all the while presenting the outside world the image of Mr Perfect.
Once the baby arrived, he never took him out to the park or spent more than a short time with him - unless someone was visiting in which case he turned into Superdaddy.
Once our child was older, he would give me a break mayb once or twice a month by taking him to McDonald's. All this time he has either been working from home and he spends a quarter of his time abroad. He has his own company and can decide on his workload as he likes, but rather that taking time to take his son to a park he is either upstairs working (or on the internet) or watches tv with our son. He rarely takes our son off my hands and then it is watching tv or going to McDonald's.
When I have had "childcare burnout" because I get very little time off, I am whinging. Then he grudgingly turns into Superdaddy for two days then it's back to normal.
Over the weekend we were camping with his cousin & wife, and their daughter. When I thought my partner was asleep in the tent, I opened up to the cousin over a few bottles of wine and asked him whether it was normal for a father to take his child out just once a month.
Of course my partner was not sleeping but eavesdropping on this conversation. Nobody is allowed to criticize him or he comes down on them like a ton of bricks. He tells me I came back to the tent shouting at him angrily and punched him in the face. I do not think so, I am not an violent person even when angry and drunk.
The next morning we started an argument over how unreasonable my behaviour was. The kids and the cousin were outside the tent, we were inside where nobody could see us. He is twice my bodyweight and well over 6 foot tall. He headbutts me hard on the forehead. Then wrestles me into the ground and because I am screaming, puts his hand on my mouth and jumps with his knees on my ribcage with his full bodyweight on my ribs which two days later are still hurting and I have a permanent headache (hopefully not concussion).
I told his cousin outside the tent what happened. The kids were hearing it all. My partner said he was in full rights to do what he did because I punched him in the face the night before.
I don't think I want to continue a relationship with this bully. I don't have any money because I have been a stay at home mum. He even pays my mobile phone bill and spies constantly whom I ring or text, reads my texts and spies on what websites I visit. Total control freak.
Now I want to leave and make sure I can take my son with me, he would of course get visitation rights but Narcissistic people make traumatic parents so I want to protect my son.
I gather I have a better chance of custody if I can prove he has been violent. Can I go to the doctor even if there are no visible bruises? What would you think if I lodged this with police? I am scared in my own home and fear he will do it again some time in the future, and it will be in our home with no witnesses. Your advice and opinions would be much appreciated.
PS Couldn't resist telling you also that after that episode and me telling him the violence was unacceptable, he has turned into Superdaddy again for two days :-) Poor little son is very confused because mummy disappeared from the daily outings and daddy is dragging him from one amusement to another!
Hi, I don't know much but I would definitely say goto your GP a d get this logged and yourself checked out. There is also a non-emergency police line (I think it's 101) please call them too and ask to speak to a domestic violence officer. Finally in addition to or instead of call Women's Aid. Their phone number will not show up on your bill and they will help you. Good luck. Pease get away from him but don't let him know that. Hugs
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