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Separation Order or straight to divorce?

(6 Posts)
RollerCola Sat 10-Aug-13 09:43:02

My husband and I have decided to separate and I have spoken to a solicitor to discuss our options. We hope to keep it amicable.

My solicitor has explained that I have two options at this point. I can start divorce proceedings straight away, he will draw up the financial agreement, it can all be agreed and sent off to the court. Or if I'm not ready to divorce right now, he can draw up a Separation Order which will sort out all the financial stuff so that we can move into separate houses etc, and then apply for a divorce some time when I'm ready. At that point the SO will be converted into a full financial agreement for the courts. The second option will cost a bit more as it would be done in two stages.

My husband wants us to go straight for the divorce. He's not been happy in our marriage for a long time and decided in his head some time ago that he wanted to divorce. I have also not been happy (for years) but until a few weeks ago hadn't wanted to accept that the marriage was over.

I feel that I'm not ready to file for divorce yet, but am I just being unrealistic and delaying the inevitable? I'm fairly sure the marriage is over, but a part of me is still clinging to the idea that once we're apart we'll realise we've made a terrible mistake and rush back together. But having spoken to him last night, he doesn't feel the same way at all and is convinced that we need to make a clean break right now.

My friends and family are telling me not to rush into filing for divorce but I don't think they realise how bad things have been for years and how far along we are. To them it's still a shock that we're separating, so they think we might still have a chance.

Should I play safe and just go for a separation order and 'see how it goes' or just accept now that it's over and file for divorce straight away? My solicitor pointed out that while things are amicable now, there's a chance that once we're separated one or another of us may meet a new partner and if we're not yet divorced it could cause problems and we might start wanting to change the financial arrangements. I realise that from this point on the future is completely unknown and I do want to protect myself and my children now rather than leaving it open 'just in case'

Has anyone been in this situation that can advise me?

slipperySlip000 Sat 10-Aug-13 17:22:05

Am currently in the same situation ie newly separated. Had similar conversation with solicitor this week. I would like things completely separated. Although in my mind it seems a terrible prospect but I've not been happy for years. For me the word 'divorce' has some awful connotations/stigma attached. I think that's separate from the relationship issue. The separation was 'out of the blue' for my h. My family are also finding it difficult to get their heads round how far down the line I am. It's all difficult and messy. Am going to take things at the pace my h finds acceptable, out of kindness, even though I know divorce is probably more 'shrewd'/cost effective. It's complicated - no real advice. Such an individual situation. Do you have to decide quickly?

RollerCola Sat 10-Aug-13 20:16:54

Sorry to hear you're in the same boat, it's very hard isn't it?

No there's no rush on my part but my h seems to want to get the divorce sorted right now. I'm not saying either of us will change our minds but I'm really not sure I'm ready to divorce yet. It's only been a few weeks since we decided to separate & we're still living in the same house. I think I just need some more time to get my head round it.

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 11-Aug-13 15:54:18

Have you considered that your H may lie for divorce himself?

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 11-Aug-13 15:54:39

That was meant to be file for ivorce.

The longer you leave it to sort things out permanently the greater the risk of animosity and financial agreements not being adhered to. You (both) sound fairly definite that things are over. As a pp stated once other people get involved it can get very complicated.

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