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'Fuming Cowards' and Ex manipulation of children

(3 Posts)
JohFlow Mon 08-Jul-13 10:07:35

So we all know that in some relationship breakdowns one ex-partner takes the split better than the other.

My ex and I split three years ago after a 12 year relationship. We share a 10 yr old DS (who is amazing!).

Since the split; my ex has firmly buried his head in the sand and refuses to hold any meaningful discussion around finances/property. This has meant that I have had to take him to court twice so far. The process is ongoing. There has been ongoing stubbornness and a letter from my solicitor warning him about harassment.

My ex's behaviour against me I continue to deal with (although I could quite happily wring his neck sometimes). Despite an agreement not to involve DS in our conflict; ex has been letting him in on arguments and withdrawing from him when solicitor letters are received. Both my solicitor and I have tackled the ex about this as, and when, it happens.

However; it keeps happening to the point that I am thinking of changing contact arrangements. My son tells me that he does not like to hear 'things like that' from Daddy, 'does not know who to trust' and 'does not want to feel in the middle'. I celebrate his honesty and totally agree with him. He should not have to feel that pressure.

So my question is ... would you restrict contact to protect your child(ren) against the harm caused by passive(?) aggressive behaviour?


cjel Mon 08-Jul-13 22:21:33

Wow thats tough. damned if you do and damned if you don't. Would it be possible to arrange some sort of third party on the visits so that ex could be supervised over the things he says. Are you able to talk to ex directly about it instead of using solicitors, my ex doesn't like them and I found we get on much better if I saw him face to face and he couldn't misunderstand what was meant?

JohFlow Sun 14-Jul-13 17:26:03

Thank you for your response Cjel.

I understand about the direct communication thing . I have tried talking to my ex directly and he puts it down to fits of anger and fobs it off. I have persisted and pointed out the effect of this on our son (which borders abusive). Solicitor only became involved when it became persistent. It is my belief that my ex is trying to hurt me via DS because he can't do it to me directly.

Setting up supervised contact is definitely an option to examine. It would be very awkward and unpopular at first; but sometimes necessary to protect son.

Thanks again

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