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Anyone else's ex moved I'm with your own parents after split? What do you think?

(4 Posts)
Perriwinkle9991 Mon 08-Jul-13 00:43:54

My ex and I have pretty much ended it. My problem is he has no where to go due to lack of family and the fact there horrible to him.

My mother has kindly but annoyingly offered the spare room so he can save up for a new place and to furnish it ect.

Has anyone else had this occur and how to deal with it? I can't just go round my mothers incase he is there on a weekend as I don't want to faced with seein him each week!
Also would this look strange to hmrc? I will be claiming tax credits but they will know my old address and see ex living there? I mean it's up to my mom who lives at her property she works full time pays full rent so? I just don't want to get one of those dreaded letters I've read about either so this is adding more stress to me as it is!

Roll on when he moves for good hoping he doesn't get to cushy :/

Argh help!

JohFlow Mon 08-Jul-13 10:40:14

Argh indeed!

How do you really feel about your ex lodging at your mum's?

I had a similar thing with my ex. No live-in situation; but he was at my Mum's every weekend (which is the time I would usually visit her). The adult part of me suggested that he had a relationship with my folks independent of our relationship together. And the other side of me asked questions about maternal loyalty to me and grieved the support I needed. I did raise questions with my mum but got two-faced answers (hey ho!). She is know to be a 'rescuer' and saw his needs as more than mine. Guess that is what comes of being independent.

Unfortunately; it has affected my relationship with my Mum and any discussion about troubles with ex are off limits - because I fear lack of confidentiality.

Have you raised the issue with your Mum? I would encourage a discussion early on and sometimes new boundaries have to be negotiated. And yeah - we do not want him to get 'cushy'. Has you Mum put a limit on his stay?

As far as HMRC, not my area of expertise - but from experience; they are usually sympathetic if you let them know about changes in circumstance. If he has definitely moved out- your claim may need to be looked at again (possibly to your favour ?).

Hope this helps

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 08-Jul-13 10:45:03

Was the split amicable?

If it was a mutually agreed split and he wasn't an arse and it is just that sadly things didn't work out but he's a good person then that's different from splitting up cos he was a total bastard who shit all over you.

If your mum was helping the former, that's nice. If she's helping the latter then you have to question wtf she's thinking.

Perriwinkle9991 Mon 08-Jul-13 10:56:48

It was amicable he wasn't an arse as in didn't hit or cheat on me. However the way his family treated me and lack of support off him towards this has pretty caused my build up of emotions and I feel no feelings are there anymore sad

She does feel for him his family are vile and would gladly help. How do I feel? Hmm I don't know it feels numb. Sometimes I think she thinks I'm being harsh but then she hasn't experienced what I have so cannot always see my reasoning. No limit has been set but it shouldn't take to long I guess.
However I do feel slightly the same about confidentiity side I can trust her but then will she feel sorry for him hmm?

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