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Have to leave.

(6 Posts)
Rubyblues13 Sat 18-May-13 04:36:27

This is the first time I've asked for outside advice. Bare with me. I have a 6 week old baby girl. I only knew her Dad for about a month before pregnancy happened. I was coming out of a messy relationship and seem to have jumped into another. Anyway I got pregnant and we weren't going to go through with it at first. I was only 19 and wasn't sure I would ever want children. He was 23. After a lot of thought we mutually decided the other alternative wasn't an option. Although for some of the pregnancy I was happy about it I was also scared at the the thought of being with my BF and him being in my life no matter what. We went on as a young couple and had fun, moved in together and I thought maybe I could make a go of it. I knew though that I wasn't as happy as I should be and I didn't want to be with him long term. When my daughter was born, we were elated and adjusting slowly but surely to being parents. The relationship is a bad one for the most part. Snapping at each other, a constant battle not to have an argument. I hoped that given we are intelligent, logical and sensitive people we would be able to work through any problems but that's just not happening no matter how hard we try. Even if we could get on an even keel, Some part of me would be miserable because he's not who I want to end up with. I don't know how I can end it. What it would be like having a new baby and being separated parents. He does pretty much %50 of the looking after and I do want it to stay that way and not be accused of keeping them apart. I'm at the end of my rope so don't know what I'm looking for here. Perhaps just confirmation from someone else that I'd be doing the right thing for us all by moving out. Thank you for taking the time to read if you've managed to say with me this long.

lizabeth0607 Sat 18-May-13 13:03:01

Hi, sounds similar to my situation, however I stuck it out for 18 months and now regret doing so. If you're not happy and the relationship isn't going anywhere its probably best to leave now before your daughter gets any older. It's nice that he does help out so much, I never got that luxury and even now my daughters Dad only sees her once every few weeks. You've just got to make the best of the situation and do what makes you happy and what's best for your little girl. Good luck.

Sarahplane Sat 18-May-13 13:18:02

I split up with my dds dad when she was 7 weeks old. she's now a happy 7 year old. if it's not working and you're not happy then break up. bare in mind though that these early weeks are very tough on any relationship so it may be that having a very tiny baby is what's causing the strain but if during the pregnancy you were already feeling that the relationship had no future then splitting up may be for the best.

Sarahplane Sat 18-May-13 13:21:35

Is it best for you to move out or if your boyfriend did? where will you move to?

YoniBottsBumgina Sat 18-May-13 14:17:22

Try posting in relationships too - it gets more traffic. I'll try and add some proper advice later as I'm meant to he tidying up!

Helpeachother4ever Wed 30-Apr-14 17:29:33

Hi this is an old post of mine. I didn't come back on mumsnet for a really long time. Various reasons, but i'm back. Actually forgot i made this post.

Well it's nearly a year since I wrote this and got quite emotional remembering what I felt at the time.

So far it's the best thing i did for all of us ending it. He moved out and I got tenancy of this place. He has his own flat over the road. He is struggling through uni and I am full time mum as he won't stick to set days to have DD and i feel too early for childcare. I WANT to be with her anyway as i am the best person for her to be with. And means i've got a little while before she goes to play school to figure out my work/education options.

She is 1 now and a great and happy little girl. I am feeling better and more in control of our lives (as much as anyone can be). So happy with the choice i made. I was so tormented by the relationship and see now that he was emotionally/mentally abusive (still is sometimes but at a distance). Maybe not his fault as he's been diagnosed bi-polar.

Anyone still watching this thank you for all kind words even though at the time I was too exhausted/ill to even remember this. Hope you're all doing well.

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