Thoughts in this access schedule?(9 Posts)
Sorry in advance as it isn't really an aibu, just really need some advice. Have posted elsewhere as well but might help to get a wider opinion as well.
Hi, thought I'd post here for some perspective, regular, have name changed. Will prob post in legal too as I'm so stressed at the moment:-/
Ex took me to court a few months ago to change the way he sees our dd. At the moment, we split all her free time down the middle, so we have a full weekend each, and split the other two, so he picks her up sat and brings her back Sunday. He also has a wed overnight.
He originally wrote on court application that he wanted all four weekends fri -mon, then changed it at the first hearing to say he wanted 2 weekends on and one weekend off, so basically 3 weekends out of 4. He no longer wants to do the mid week visit as he says the travelling is too much (14 miles each way) and its expensive etc. I wouldn't agree to this so we were referred to mediation and although this eventually failed, he changed his mind AGAIN during that, to say he now wanted us to both carry on having a full weekend each, but on the other two weekends, he wants her from sat 5pm until Monday school. He still no longer wants to do the Wednesday, except for the week that he wouldn't see her. So this effectively looks like this:
Week 1: sat-monday
Week 2: Wednesday only
Week 3: sat Monday
Week 4: fri - Monday
Apparantly all of this is so he can see dd for longer periods of time, and give her more 'stability' but there is nothing in the routine above that that I feel is about 'routine' and all it smacks of is him needing to change it completely for his own reasons. When he made the above proposal I was initially happier because I thought it was more reasonable that 3 weekends out of 4, however, once I actually analysed his proposal, I cannot see how it's for dd's benefit.
Dd is happy as she is at the moment, but in order to make his case, her dad said some very hurtful things at the first hearing about how I care for her and how she doesn't know if she's coming or going. He has also asked for shared residency.
We are back in court in a few days, I do not know if he intends to make the above proposal again, or stick to his original one of 3 weekends in four. Either way I feel as though I am at the mercy of his whims and feel that he might get what he is asking for ( whatever that might be).
Can any of you tell me what your thoughts are on this schedule? It will mean a change in working hours for me, and an increase in childcare costs, which I know aren't really relevant factors in the proceedings but he has also cut his maintanence in half since he started litigation and so these issues will have an impact on our family as a whole.
Hello - we'll be moving this into Divorce and separation in a moment.
I am no expert but the first thing I would say is get a good solicitor.
Don't be made to rush into any agreement. I would seriously think about his demands if it will put financial pressure on you.
can you come up with an alternative that will make it easier for you whilst allowing your ex contact with your dc?
How old is your dc btw?
Agree re solicitor. I have seen two and they have both said every other weekend to allow child quality time with both parents. Three weekends out of four is not fair on dc or you. Resist that.
Also re shared residency, do you mean 50:50? He may be saying that as a threat to get you to agree to his proposal.
Finally, depending on the roads, 14 miles is not far. How long does it take? The key question would be whether dc find it too much. And if it is too much, then it is too much full stop, not when he decides, i.e. the Wednesday overnight he proposes is out.
So, when would your dd get to spend a Sunday with you? Once a month?
And he appears to be demanding a much greater proportion of her non-school time. You are going to end up paying for all the after-school care, as he will have her at weekends when you'd be around anyway. And he gets to miss the Wednesday slot too, meaning more for you to cover. He's a sly one, isn't he?
And why has he decided to cut maintenance in half? Can you get the CSA involved?
I know, the more I think about this one, the more annoyed I am on OP's behalf.
Don't allow this.
Alternate weekends and one evening per week is Fairfield everyone.
If wed no good for him now suggest another weekday?
Too much chopping and changing and your daughter won't know if she is coming or going.
Thanks all so much, I really appreciate the input. I have this in lone parents and steps. Please would you mind responding in there? I didn't mean to have it in 3 places by the way!
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