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my dd is making my ds feel bad about wanting to be with his dad

(7 Posts)
rottenscoundrel Mon 22-Apr-13 11:11:51

Separated last year at my instigation. Suddenly dh is trying to win parent of the year award by lavishing kids with gifts, getting involved with ds's school by volunteering loads etc. (having done sweet fa the whole of their lives)....

Anyway, it is hard to keep my head up especially as he is giving me no money (I work so it's not the end of the world) - in his words 'you wanted this, I'm not suffering financially because of it'...

He is a class twunt and dd sees straight through it. She said it does not matter how much he spends on me (and he is literally offering the world to them, new playstations, weekends away at expensive hotels, etc. etc.), he wasn't here for the last 13 years and you were mum and he can't buy my affections.

The problem is younger ds doesn't see through it. He thinks all this money being spent on him is great - he came back last weekend with new Beatz and loads of money in his pocket and he says all his friends at school think his dad is brilliant as he now takes them all to football etc. I have a feeling we are only one step away from ds asking to go and live with him sad

Last weekend we had a day out as a celebration for my birthday but ds was texting dh the whole way through the meal (dh instigated the texting and knew we were out for a meal) and dd lost her cool and said 'this is mummy's day, can't you just stop for a second and enjoy it with her' at which point ds just burst into tears and ran off. I called him back and said it was fine and he could talk to daddy when he wanted but I am pissed off that dh is doing this

of course I don't want ds to suffer and I am v pleased he is happy and his dad is spending time with him but what do I do - do I just grin and bear it? He is 11 now ds and I think he will ask to live with him soon sad and I am not sure I will be able to fight it (legally or emotionally)...

rottenscoundrel Mon 22-Apr-13 11:16:17

ps at my house they have chores and I cook etc. At dh's house, they don't have to lift a finger and he has a cleaner and gets takeaways/takes them out to restaurants for most of their meals so I can see why it is very appealing to want to go and stay there! I can't afford to have a cleaner, buy food like that, not that I'd want to!

STIDW Mon 22-Apr-13 12:05:48

Family counselling with Relate or another organisation is worth a shot.Not recommendation for the site but have a look at this;


rottenscoundrel Mon 22-Apr-13 14:25:53

thanks. Disneyland dad is just what we have. The kids come back from their dads hugely overhyped, having not slept as he doesn't enforce bedtimes and ds comes back boasting that he's been up all night playing on the playstation etc.

he won't do counselling, he thinks he can do what he like and is perfectly happy to carry on as he is delighted as ds likes being there now

themidwife Mon 22-Apr-13 17:11:05

Why isn't he giving you any maintenance?

rottenscoundrel Tue 23-Apr-13 16:23:06

in his words, I am the one who wanted the break up so why must he suffer financially

I know legally I could force him to do this but we are meeting next week to discuss money (he has refused to discuss it to date as he says I am a callous for even mentioning it when he is so traumatised by the split hmmmm....)

as far as he is concerned, he is not going to give me a penny and he never will. I said the money is not for me, it's for the children (we both work full time) but this is falling on deaf ears. He would rather chop off a limb than send a penny to me tbh.

themidwife Tue 23-Apr-13 21:55:27

Tough what he thinks - the law says different! Make a claim through CSA & then the kids will get what they need not gifts. Take control of the situation!!

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