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Telling the kids tomorrow :(

(10 Posts)
jenny99 Thu 18-Apr-13 23:55:56

Tomorrow we are telling the children that we are splitting up. Their little worlds will be rocked. (11,15).

It is my decision. I have been very unhappy for a long time. My 'D'H wants me to tell them I am unhappy and I want to end our marriage.

He tells me he blames me for everything and if this has any lasting effect on the boys he blames me for that too.

I pointed out that i was telling him I was unhappy and asking for counselling for nearly a year before he agreed. He came too late to the party.

Not looking for advice I guess....just feeling incredibly sad tonight and wanted to get it out sad

mumblecrumble Fri 19-Apr-13 09:31:52

Its ok, it is sad. Its sad for the kids and your husband and you will be sad too. Its the end of a marriage and I am sure some if was good.

And its ok that its ending, as you know, and its ok thats its sad.

It will be something that shapes your boys but it will not be their whole world. They allso have massive love from you both and they will be ok.

Best of luck.

Are you telling them after school?

jenny99 Fri 19-Apr-13 09:46:07

Thank you so much for such a kind message. We will be telling them after supper.

It has been good for the most part.

The last 24 hours has been awful because he wants to tell them it is my decision to end it and that he doesn't want it to end.

I will be strong.

Thank you for that about shaping them but not being their world. I hope so. And I hope we can set positive role models in the way we handle it.

cooper44 Fri 19-Apr-13 12:08:50

My 'D'H wants me to tell them I am unhappy and I want to end our marriage.

this is really selfish of your 'D'H isn't it. I have got much younger children so the wording etc would be different but surely this just sets you up as the baddie. Using you as a punchbag to make him feel better. Which I would imagine is really not the best thing for your kids at all! I'd post on relationships to get some advice from people who have had to tell kids the same age as yours. I think it's all in the wording and how things are presented - yes of course it's still awful but I think a united front from the parents can only make it better surely?

jenny99 Fri 19-Apr-13 12:15:23

Thank you. I've just taken your advice and posted there too x

rottenscoundrel Mon 22-Apr-13 15:21:47

my dh acted the same (and I broke up for the same reasons)

my older one was fine, the younger one (also 11) was really upset and blames me totally (not helped by my dh's attitude)

jenny99 Mon 22-Apr-13 16:03:29

Thank you - how long ago was that?

Who do they live with?

rottenscoundrel Mon 22-Apr-13 16:33:57

Hi Jenny, glad you are around as I have wanted someone to talk to (!)

We split up last year in December. He is still very very bitter about it all. The kids live with me but I think the younger one is very soon going to ask to live with his dad as his dad has been buying him the world and he is absolutely loving it. I have also been painted as the 'one who wanted this' so I think my son is very angry with me.

I have to keep it in my head how horribly miserable and unhappy I was in the marriage but I must admit, the thought of losing my little boy to him terrifies me, especially as dh (during our marriage) was effectively an absent parent.

jenny99 Mon 22-Apr-13 16:51:31

I am sending you a dm xx

Noregrets78 Fri 10-May-13 22:04:47

Jumping in a bit late here... but how are things now? i've been through a similar thing... In the end I decided to tell DD (8) on my own - tell her that it was my choice, but that I had very good reasons. I had to tell her a message that would stand up to all the cr@p that he would send her way. That was a couple of months ago, and I'm still dealing with her anger, and her constantly wanting to know details of what Daddy has done.

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