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Can Mum take the DCs and move them away from their dad?

(55 Posts)
Poppinsesque Sat 13-Apr-13 18:00:36

Found out this afternoon our best man and his wife are most likely separating. (best man told DH while we were over for lunch). He's terrified as she has said she will take the DCs (6 and 2) and move back to the south coast which is a 3 hour drive from where they live now and where his job is. (she works at home so can essentially be anywhere).

He had wanted them to have 50/50 or similar arrangement to suit the children's needs and both parents work.

Can she do this? I would have thought she would have to have some sort of agreement from the dad to move them out of school/nursery and move them hundreds of miles from their dad. She told him as long as she stay in UK she can go wherever she wants.

Poor bloke's terrified he will lose his kids.

Spero Mon 15-Apr-13 10:35:42

Of course you can't diagnose from a screen, and no one is attempting to.

But it is legitimate to recognise predictable patterns of behaviour and likely outcomes.

I could be utterly and embarrassingly wrong of course ~ hence liberal use of word 'if'.

mumandboys123 Mon 15-Apr-13 21:49:33

oh there is an Adulterers Bible out there somewhere - they only sell it to people committing adultery. It never, ever ceases to amaze me how these situations play themselves out - men (and sometimes women) saying exactly the same thing to their ex/about their ex up and down the's like they've all read the same thing. Entirely predictable. After a while, you get to accurately predict what the next move will be.

OP - with the 2 year old, who is the main carer? if they are both working but mum is working from home, who is doing the school runs for the 6 year old? Basically, he would have to go some to get full residence of children of this age unless he has been the primary carer. He would likely struggle to get 50/50 if they haven't genuinely shared care prior to this date. What the courts don't do is mess with established bonds/ties/routines.

If mum is main carer, he can try and stop her moving by taking out a Prohibited Steps Order but it is unlikely a long term option. The simple fact is you can't stop people getting on with their lives and when relationships break down, trying to work and manage children is difficult and where there is family willing to support, it is reasonable to move.

And I agree, the 'she's mental' comments ring massive alarm bells(and is chapter 2 or so in the Bible) and I would be very, very careful making any assumptions about their relationship and who may or may not be in the wrong/right. You can be a friend without taking sides.

newbiefrugalgal Mon 15-Apr-13 23:14:50

Anyone not concerned about her just moving to beneath friends?
Not family. Would the courts see that as favourable?

Or is it only his family she would be moving away from?

Spero Tue 16-Apr-13 08:31:23

Anyone who wants to move children a long distance for the other parent will need to show that this is in children's best interests because distance will inevitably have a negative impact of the frequency of contact with other parent.

So if you were parenting equally before and are moving just to be near friends, court might not be sympathetic.

But if mother was primary carer before the split and can show that the move will benefit her in terms of much better support or better job then she will probably be allowed to move.

But it is all very fact specific to each individual case. Moving for friends might be acceptable, may depend on what you are moving from, such as an ex who harasses you (or continues to spread rumours about your mental health)

Snorbs Tue 16-Apr-13 09:05:56

Poppinsesque, I'd recommend that your friend get in touch with Families Need Fathers. They're a good bunch who can really help to recommend ways to resolve these kinds of issues in as non-confrontational way as possible.

Court should be left as an absolute last resort as it can end up being about winning or losing rather than what's best.

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