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If I hear one more time, "We have that at Daddy's." "We do that at Daddy's house."

(17 Posts)
Shybairns Wed 03-Apr-13 21:39:51

STBEXH has turned into super Dad since he moved out a year ago. Setting up a cosy new home, lavishig kids with toys and DVDs, cooking from scratch all the time and generally doing a million times more with the kids than he ever did when he lived at home.

Kind of hate him for it. I mean this is a man who behaved like a paraplegic every weekend!

The kids love him to bits and I am so glad that they enjoy going to his house. But it is bloody hard sometimes to hear of the wonderful Daddy and all the stuff he buys them. Especially as I am on a tight buget.


Dadthelion Thu 04-Apr-13 12:25:39

Would you rather they had a crap time?
People can change after a divorce.

sauvignonismydrug Thu 04-Apr-13 12:41:33

Sometimes, people change. Sometimes, people behave the way they do because of the behaviour of the other parent, sometimes without even realising it. So a parent who sees the other parent is a good 'entertainer' will let the other one get on with that side of things. I was like that in my first marriage - my ex husband did all the 'fun' things at the weekend whilst I did the cooking, tidying, etc. It worked for us but now I am not in that relationship anymore I do a lot more with my children.
The flip side is that when my stepkids come to stay, we often hear about life at mum's. So food that they have resolutely refused to eat at our house has suddenly been transformed into this mouth-watering dish that mum has been the very first person to ever create!! That's kids for you ....

Mosman Thu 04-Apr-13 13:19:02

Say thats nice dear and ignore or up the anti and do a better job them your kids will have an amazing life

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 08-Apr-13 09:54:05

Have you thought perhaps he hears about lovely Mummy who's always smiling now, who sings or is a happy person? wink

LeggyBlondeNE Mon 08-Apr-13 10:04:11

My dad was like your ex OP. the shock of losing his kids really did change him although not so much we didn't notice we were a lower priority than other things eventually.

Fenton Mon 08-Apr-13 10:06:36

I think just be grateful that they are happy spending time with him, imagine how much worse it could be for them if he was doing nothing with them or for them.

Be very careful about inadvertently making them feel bad for enjoying being with him, - it's very easy to let these feelings eek out.

daffsarecomingup Mon 08-Apr-13 10:09:32

my kids do this, OP. but my xh and i get on really well, and he tells me that the boys just play one parent off against the other!
Don't get drawn in to making any comments. And bear in mind that as DCs get older, they will remember experiences, friends and love MORE than what toys they played with.

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 08-Apr-13 10:12:52

It sounds as if he's really committed to being a good father and letting them see that although he doesn't want to be your partner any longer, he still loves them. And he's kept it up for a year, which is hopeful.
Your children sound happy.

Happymum22 Mon 08-Apr-13 23:13:04

Just wanted to post to say I can understand why you feel how you do and it is natural.

The other replies are right, and (that old line) you do want the best for your kids.

Having been there, I can completely understand though how it feels so crap and brings up more memories and frustrations from the past.
It is great your kids are coping so well that they feel able to say things like that to you and clearly have a great relationship with their dad, which wouln't happen if it wasn't for you being supportive and thinking of them at such horrible times when divorce happens.

Guess what- I bet at his they constantly tell him how great you are!

Sending a hug and keep smiling!

ProudSingleMama Tue 09-Apr-13 23:03:42

Hi Shybairns
I feel the same as Happymum22. It is really annoying to hear 'Oh Daddy's got a really big flat screen' and 'Daddy this' and 'Daddy that!'
It's like rubbing salt in the wound!
Chin up! :-)

LooseyMy Tue 09-Apr-13 23:26:27

Yeah that's so awful. It would be so much better if he was a shit dad.

ProudSingleMama Tue 09-Apr-13 23:31:50

He is a shit dad incidentally. It's all façade.

cuckooplusone Thu 18-Apr-13 19:29:00

I know what you mean, I turn it the other way round sometimes (eg I bet daddy doesn't let you jump off the back of his sofa etc)

It sucks, but really you want them to be settled and happy and if they are enjoying themselves it's good!

Mother2many Tue 14-May-13 15:27:21

Hard to hear, but I imagine your X hears wonderful things about you too!!

I get to hear, "dad never keeps his promise, dad never lets us, dad snores so loud I can't sleep, dad never comes to our school/concerts, dad fixes Sbrothers quad/bike, and doesn't fix mine, etc"

My X also never cooked, cleaned, did dishes, helped around the house, etc. and NOW, he does it all!!!!! GAG, now if only he would of helped out when we were married and I was begging him to help.... angry

BabyHMummy Tue 14-May-13 16:01:35

From the dad and gf perspective we get "mummy & bf this" and "mummy & bf that" and its just as hard for my dp (esp as bf was a friend and him and exw had an affair) so believe me when I say it works both ways!!

On the "super dad" element, my dp finds it hard when he gets such a short time with his kids. He wants it to be fun and exciting cos he is terrified that if it isn't they won't wanna come. I keep pointing out that the boring bits of life need doing too and he is starting to adjust.

Try not to think too ill of your ex or that it is meant as one-up-man-ship as it almost certainly isn't. He is prob just trying to do the best he can cos he is terrified of put of sight out of mind

ThereGoesTheYear Sun 19-May-13 17:44:52

Kids are smart. They'll know you love them. They'll be happy that finally their DF is doing stuff for and with them.

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