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H asking how much I "need" to bring up kids

(8 Posts)
leftfootrightfoot Mon 25-Mar-13 15:38:34

Also posted in lone parents but wondered if anyone on here would be able to help as well.

H has left and has got himself a pad with the OW, this all happened less than 3 weeks ago so still numb. I quit my job to bring up kids when they were born and he was happy with that and supported us all. Now he wants to know how much I "need" so he can make some proposal. I have kept spending records for years to help me budget but obv we will have less money. How can i work out what we actually need? I have all bills etc but how about food costs, clothes shoes etc, activities, general day to day spending? We were never loaded or anything and we spent all that he earned but obv I can economize on certain things (and will have to). My kids are 6 and 3

clam Mon 25-Mar-13 15:50:13

Wouldn't the CSA calculate 20% of his net income for two kids? Unless that's not v much for you, in which case tell him you need more.

MajaBiene Mon 25-Mar-13 15:52:02

Is he paying your housing costs? How much does he earn?

toosoppyforwords Mon 25-Mar-13 17:04:36

Sorry for your situation

You need to seek legal advice. Its not about how much you need its about what you are entitled to. Do you have marital assets? a home? DH have a pension? How long have you been married?

Please seek legal advice - from a child support perspective it would be 20% of DH income but you may be entitled to a larger share of the assets including pension and some spousal maintenance, at least for a period.

Do not make a recommendation to him or agree anything without good legal advice!

leftfootrightfoot Mon 25-Mar-13 17:55:12

Thanks, I wasn't going to agree to anything, do you reckon avoid suggesting then, I am instructing a solicitor as we have a house in joint names and he has a pension but i don't. I was going to wait til this magic email appears and then take it to a solicitor. He reckons we can have a diy divorce but my situation is rubbish in that we decided to HE as DS has a few probs so i can't easily work without disrupting their "normal" even more which I don't want to do if i can avoid it. I know its not about blame but he is being a total selfish git, has moved in with his woman and is getting angry with me because i don't trust him??!! He never said he was unhappy etc, has been ill for a few years and I bent over backwards to care for him as well

toosoppyforwords Tue 26-Mar-13 08:48:13

Personally i would just respond with 'my solicitor will put a fair proposal to you/your solicitor'

It sounds like he wants a diy divorce so that i)it is quick and he can go off with his new woman and shed his responsibilities to his family ii) he thinks he will get away with paying less.

I certainly wouldn't suggest using all the cash in fiercely fought legal battles but you need to protect yourself and your children, hence you are due an entitlement that represents a fair split of the marital assets, maybe a higher % than your husband. He needs to do full financial disclosure including pensions and only then can you work out a fair split - this may be more than you 'need' or not.

How does he propose you look after yourself financially? Has he mentioned that he expects you to go to work? what about childcare costs and arrangements to allow that - who will pay for them?

leftfootrightfoot Tue 02-Apr-13 22:10:23

He has said he wants DS to go to school in september (he is home educated, our joint decision and this is the first time H has suggested school!) and me to get a part time job> He has said as from spetember he ill give me £100 less a month so that I go and get a job, I worked in libraries...funnily enough there aren't many jobs going in the public sector are there, and wages aren't going to pay much once i have paid out for childcare. He has no idea of the real world tbh and doesn't really seem bothered

Babyjaguar Tue 02-Apr-13 22:10:53


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