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'Amicable' divorce: did you feel guilty?

(2 Posts)
Elisaisback Mon 04-Mar-13 11:59:17

Hi - I have been separated from my husband for about 7-8 years and have been in a new, rather wonderful, relationship for over 3 years, which may or may not end in marriage. My husband and I just drifted apart over a number of years. He was a workaholic who worked away a lot and I think I felt fairly abandoned with kids/dogs/no social life etc, etc, and then kids evolving into very difficult teenagers and having to cope with their shenanigans virtually unsupported. Anyway, with the passage of time I no longer feel so angry towards him and, although I haven't physically seen him for about a year, we have email contact usually regarding domestic arrangements and kids. I started divorce proceedings about 18 months ago which seem to have ground to a halt as he is taking a long time to come up with a financial settlement to put to me. There's no great rush anyway, but I veer between thinking it's all too much effort legally to get divorced, and feeling so incredibly guilty about him (being quite a bit older than me, and now in his early 60s) probably not having another relationship in his life, and thinking I should push harder to finalise this divorce. The guilt about him being alone is the big thing, now that he's recently retired and his whole adult life spent working so hard has virtually gone for him too.

Nannytwotimes Tue 05-Mar-13 08:28:28

I can understand the feeling of guilt given the age difference and your ex's circumstances. However, I think you should push on ASAP. Whilst you are still married he's not going to move. This may be one reason while he is stalling. Why is it up to him to come up with a solution. A lawyer should be able to tell you exactly what you will receive or you could suggest some compromise. If he has anything about him the ladies will be flocking around if he puts himself about. He's not such a catch if he is still married! Why not put him in touch with 'singles clubs/holidays/leisure pursuits. Top for meeting 60s ladies are Bridge/golf/arts/book clubs and U3A. It's not the end of the world, maybe a new beginning.

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