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Advice on financial settlements before I see solicitor

(11 Posts)
duffybeatmetoit Sat 23-Feb-13 23:37:15

Starting divorce proceedings but want to know how finances are agreed when one of us (me) is much older but earning more than the other. Not very much to split and definitely not enough to enable both to purchase houses, H would not be able to buy me out or get a mortgage due to his credit history.

If I had to sell marital home (in my name) there wouldn't be enough to get H a home so what would happen to the money? I assume that it would be up to him how to spend it and given his track record it would be blown very quickly with nothing to show for it let alone paying rent on somewhere suitable for dd to visit.

Marriage very short (couple of years) and H brought no assets to the marriage or made much in the way of contributions- I was contributing 75% of my earnings to providing for the family, he was providing 15% of his.

My concern is that I will be forced into selling the house to give him his share which would mean huge upheaval in dd's life and leave her worse off.

Does anyone have any advice about the situation so I know what to ask the solicitor? Can't afford lots of sessions.

duffybeatmetoit Sat 23-Feb-13 23:52:10

Dd is 5 and H has her overnight less than 52 nights a year.

muddykittenheels Sun 24-Feb-13 00:06:31

by law everything starts off being split 50/50 regardless of who has brought what assets into the marriage. A solicitor can negotiate for you to have a larger share but from my experience this will cost you a minimum of 2k to sort out.Goodluck and let me know if you need any more info x

muddykittenheels Sun 24-Feb-13 00:08:24

A court can also rule that you will not necessarily have to leave/sell the house until you dc is 18- they take the welfare of any dcs into account

duffybeatmetoit Sun 24-Feb-13 08:15:57

muddy as the equity in the house is the only asset other than my pension (he doesn't have any pension provision so far) for him to get anything he would have to wait for well over a decade. Is that likely?

Him getting 50% would cripple me without any material benefit to dd. The plan had been to sell when she was 18 to help fund college but that was before the split.

Looks like I have been well and truly mugged and will never recover. If he had been a SAHD you wouldn't begrudge it but this just sticks the knife in further after his affair and walking out on us.

Xenia Sun 24-Feb-13 09:57:42

You should speak to a lawyer. When I saw 2 year marriage all assets yours I thought okay short marriage rules both put back to where you started, then my view slightly changed as your child with him is 5 so there is a child and the time period including living together which must be at least 6 yeras presumably if not more.

50/50 is only likely where there is enough mnoey for that split. I earned more than my children's father he got 60% of our joint assets as i was also buying out his maintenance for life claims. if you earn more than your husband you may also have to pay him regular sums to maintain his standard of living - it was that which I bought out on my divorce.

I would first look at the home . If it is bigger than your needs then you may have to selli t to give your ex some share. If not really and it would be more likely you stay in it with the child. I remortgaged to buy my ex out. He could not afford to remortgage our house to buy me out. So that is why it was that way round.

Next time just live with someone, don't marry them.

You say there is not very much to split so I would suggest your starting point in negotiations with him might be that you keep the house and he keeps his savings and neither of you has a claim on the other. He may pay something for the upkeep of the child and that may be all. You could write to him - making that offer. If he agrees it get it drawn up into a court consent order which is once you have decree nisi stamped by the court and is binding. Has he registered an interest over the house - not the same as owning it - but he can file a form as a spouse at the land registry to ensrue you do not sell it without his knowledge?

duffybeatmetoit Sun 24-Feb-13 10:31:15

He hasn't registered a claim to my knowledge but I don't know how I would find that out. The house has 1 more room than I technically need but I rely on it to put up my parents to cover childcare when needed ( they live a long way away).

We were only together 6 yrs in total. Sounds like the situation could be even worse than I thought. Your plan is what I had thought of doing but suspect MIL will advise him otherwise.

Don't worry about me getting married again I have no intention of letting any man anywhere near me.

Xenia Sun 24-Feb-13 17:11:15

My marriage was nearly 20 years so not surprising he got 60% including my buying out "maintenance" claims from him to get a clean break. You have your assets before, you need them to house the child, it was still relatively a short period in a relationship with him, he probably works enough to keep himself and there is not much money so I would expect the likely result is you keep all or most of the equity in the house. Try to negotiate with him on the basis you will not be claiming maintenance from him for yourself and he will walk away scott free and isnt' that a great deal for him and al he then needs is to agree a consent order which the court seals, saying that and you are both sorted out. Don't worry about it too much but do get it sorted out ideally by agreement with him rather than having loads of expensive court hearings. We had no hearings. I paid both side's solicitors' bills.

duffybeatmetoit Sun 24-Feb-13 19:43:14

Thanks for all that Xenia. I would be more than happy with that. I'd even write off his sporadic payments for dd if it meant I was free of him financially.

nocake Sun 24-Feb-13 19:48:19

Can I echo Xenia's comments about trying to reach an agreement by consent. My ex refused to negotiate or attend mediation so we ended up in court arguing over very little. It cost her over £15k in legal fees and me nearly £8... all for less than £200k equity in the house and my pensions. Please don't waste your money on solictors instead of talking to each other.

duffybeatmetoit Sun 24-Feb-13 19:52:58

Xenia - I did check and he can't claim beneficial interest in the house due to a complete absence of contributions to the running costs.

Nocake - that's awful and advice I will heed. Just hope his DM doesn't fund him fighting over everything.

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