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Separation looming

(5 Posts)
bml12 Thu 24-Jan-13 20:58:28

Myself and husband of 18 years are separating as we just cant get on anymore. Two children aged 17 and 13 years. We are living together until the house is sold (whenever that may be!) and I am now sleeping on the sofa. He remains in the kingsize bed!!

He wants me to continue doing his ironing etc whilst he does nothing in the home. We now argue whenever we try to talk and he is being very petty and awkward about things within the home and the daily routine.

Dont know how long I can live like this if the house doesnt sell soon. We decided to split in August last year. The D word hasnt really been discussed as it seems so final but should we do it when the house is sold so everything is over and done with??

Any advice much appreciated as I'm struggling at the moment.

Seabright Thu 24-Jan-13 23:43:50

Well, he wants to have his cake and eat it! See a solicitor now, as you need to have an agreement in place as to what's happening to the sale proceeds before there is a sale, so that neither of you can refuse to sign the contract and transfer in the hope of forcing the other to give up a higher share.

You don't have to get divorced, you could get a Legal Seperation, if that's what you both want. It's like a divorce, but the marriage doesn't end.

Lozislovely Fri 25-Jan-13 19:47:52

Hi bml, I'm in the same situation, except the bed is super king!!!!

I've found that its easier not to talk unless absolutely necessary. Some nights he'll do his and kids dinner (if I'm working late) and other nights he does his and then disappears to the bedroom. He did his own ironing last week and some cleaning but who knows what next week will be like.

I'm trying to keep myself focused on the fact that once the house sells I'll be free of the bastard and won't let him wind me up.

The only reason we come to blows is over money - I pay out twice as much as him each month even though I don't earn twice as much. I recently refused to continue contributing £150 every month to the mortgage after I showed him how much I was paying out each month and he told me to cancel Sky and stop buying the kids treats - I don't see why the kids should suffer because he won't contribute more so cancelled the standing order!

He then proceeded to tell me to do everyone a favour and go top myself and called me a fucking bitch for the rest of the night (so much for keeping things amicable).

I haven't sought legal advice yet as we have agreed 50/50 in principal but I think I'll have to as I think he try and pull a few strings when the time comes.

Hang in there and feel free to pm me anytime if you feel like a rant grin

bml12 Wed 30-Jan-13 20:55:31

Hi Lozislovely

Your husband sounds awful. Mine isnt verbally abusive until he's had a drink but we just can't talk about anything which I find really sad after all these years (he called me a tart and a slag at Christms ).

We also cme to blows about money as like you I pay my fair share with things in the home and everything for the children but he stil wants me to contribute more. He knows he will have to pay maintenance when we split but I think he will really resent it and Im not looking forward to sorting out the finances when the house eventually sells.

I will need more than 50/50 when we split as I am on a very low income compared to his. How long has your house been on the market? Have you had much interest? We have had one viewing since October - I think I could be stuck like this for a long, long time.

Lozislovely Thu 31-Jan-13 17:13:17

Hi bml

We've been on the market since July and H has decided to reduce the price by £12k as he wants out now. I've told him that I need to come out with £20k minimum so he will have to take less than me if necessary. So far he's going along with it but I have a suspicion he'll change his mind.

We've only had one viewing and that was a couple who hasn't even sold theirs.

I'm not prepared to drop the price just to get it sold as I'll end up not being able to get anywhere decent for me and 2 DS.

Like you I think I'm in for the long haul sad

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