Ongoing harrassment from ex husband

[Hilary911]

I left my husband over a year ago for another man. I have not taken anything from my husband, he's kept all his pension although I spent 10 years raising the children. We've sold the marital home and split money 50:50. He doesn't pay maintenance and he sees the children as often as he wants.
My ex husband has a new partner but he still seems obsessed with me and what I've done.
I get numerous texts and emails daily from him, telling me how cruel and evil I've been, how I've ruined the children's lifes, how I should kill myself to atone for what I've done.
I've accepted this for a year now as part of his grieving process, but now I feel it's gone on too long and is becoming abusive.
How long do I have to put up with this?
I do feel guilty for what I've done but I feel now it is time to move on with our lives for both our sakes and the children's.
The constant reminding me of how bad I've been have left me immobilised and not able to move on withy life.
Can anyone advise, or do I deserve this harrasment for what I've done?

[SuperLoudPoppingAction]

Nobody deserves harassment.

Do you have regular contact arrangements in place or do you rely on e-mail etc to sort them out on an ongoing basis?

I would keep the e-mails in a separate folder and not read them unless I needed to. I wouldn't delete them.

Some people don't like being rejected - it seems to be preying on his mind but you're the wrong audience for it. The thing about how you should kill yourself - I would be tempted to show it to a third party - maybe your solicitor?

[ivykaty44]

You don't have to put up with this for any time at all - with hindsight you could have put a stop to it after two text messages.

If I was in your shoes I would go back to the solicitor I used for the divorce and show them the text messages and get them to write a stiff letter to him to stop this behaviour with immediate effect.

I would also get another mobile phone and sim card to use in the mean time.

He may try to use verbal instead of text messages instead after any letter -so place yourself in a position not to be alone with him - thinking of access for children at change over.

For you to move on my advise would be to possibly seek out a divorce class - a girl at work went and found it very helpful to move on with her life.

Hopefully a solicitors letter will do the trick but don't be afraid to call the police straight away if more text do come through - back up the letter with action so it is very clear you are not going to put up with this behaviour any longer and get the message across it is going to stop.

Marriages end sadly and it is sad - his behaviour is not acceptable regardless

[Collaborate]

I agree that you should see a solicitor about sending a letter. His conduct is unacceptable.

[Hilary911]

Thanks for your messages, I will try and be strong and put an end to his harassment. Tbh the guilt he piles on me has really been difficult to deal with and I just want him to move on now and find happiness. I feel worn down by it all, I really think he's trying to break me!

[timidviper]

DB had nasty harassment from an ex-GF, he went to the police who were really supportive. If you have had a relationship with the person harassing you it counts as domestic abuse and they were keen to help him.

[Hilary911]

My worry about going to police or a solicitor is that it will make matters worse! I've agreed to all his demands, every time hoping the abuse will stop but it never does!
I feel that even though we've been separated for a year he still controls my life! For example over Xmas he insisted the children couldn't spend it with me and my new partner, so they went to him and his new partner. I agreed with this to keep the peace and hope it would earn me some brownie points with him. But no, this last week the harassment has been as bad as ever!
I realise I have to put an end to it now and stand up to him!
All your messages have helped me put that into perspective. Thanks x

[ivykaty44]

from what you describe he is a bully and he is getting what he wants from you by being a bully.

Start attacking and he will stop bullying, it is hard to believe but if you startle him with an attack and then if he tried anything attack again he will soon get the message.

At the moment it seems from what you say - he says jump and you ask how high? so why would his behaviour change?

[Hilary911]

You are right, he is a bully, but because he feels he has the moral high ground he feels justified in pushing me around.
I've told him that I'll only respond to texts concerning the children, and I've also told him not to enter my property without my consent, he loves to snoop around and then use things against me. He's not happy, he says it's the final insult after what I've done!