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Practical and legal advice on divorce, after very short marriage, would be so appreciated.

(9 Posts)
mof2013 Wed 02-Jan-13 17:12:38

I got married in December 2011. We'd only been together for two years; but we're both in our early thirties, not kids; and both been in relationships - this felt like it. He is quite dramatic; and instinctive; but it worked with my more rational, reasoned approach to life. Ten months into our marriage, we had our first real set of arguments; when it became clear that his idealism about what marriage should be (amazing; perfect all the time; exciting; thrilling) was misplaced. It's an involved story, but I found out he'd kissed a girl that he works with. Three months of pain and hurt followed, where I moved out; he told me he didn't want to be married to me and that he was in love with her; then he backtracked a number of times and said he'd made the biggest mistake of his life and wanted me back. Two days after Christmas 2012 (17 days after our first wedding anniversary; which we'd spent apart) I went to back to our marital home to to pick up a few things, as he told me he would be at work, and I found him lying on our sofa with his topless employee astride him. It has subsequently come to light that he's been telling this girl that it was all over with me, despite - 10 days before I found them- him swearing that he would do whatever it took, and wait as long as I needed, to make our marriage work. He has since told me - today in fact - that this was inevitable because he fell out of love with me; and was no longer attracted to me; when I believe he is simply looking for an excuse that will justify the fact that he got caught cheating.

I'm obviously heartbroken; and as it's come so out of the blue - and as I am still, as much as I don't want to be, in love with him; any advice on how to get through this would be amazing. I am surrounded by an incredible network of family and friends; but sometimes objectivity helps.

It would also be really great to get any advice on what I might be entitled to. We have been married a year; and we obviously lived together; but as he owned the flat before we met; it is all in his name. I contributed to the mortgage but only by depositing money in a joint account; which he would then transfer. We are also in the process of selling our current flat (which has been ongoing since before our problems) so I am really looking for a good lawyer that will be able to advise me on what my rights are, if any! If anyone has any good contacts, I would be so grateful.

I am very sorry if this isn't the right kind of post - I have never done this before - and also for the sheer length of it but I would be so appreciative of any advice, tips or contacts that people can offer. The community here seems so much safer than some of the other forums out there; and while thankfully we don't have children; I thought this might be the best place to seek advice.

Thank you again.

GreeenFingers Wed 02-Jan-13 17:36:32

I'm so sorry to hear your going through such a terrible time.
Can I make a suggestion I've never been married or been in your situation, but I'd like to make a suggestion or several.

*Forget the lawyers, you don't have to use them and they will bleed you both dry.You can do the divorce yourself.

* You have contributed to the mortgage for say a couple of years,Write it off!!It's like paying rent. The quicker you can move on with your life the better. If you spend money, time and effort to try to recoup what? a couple of grand, you'll be wasting your life.Cut your losses with this loser.

*There are no children involved and this should speed things along re the divorce.You are in yout 30's but if you want to have a family I wouldn't leave it too late.

* The more time you spend trying to sort out the finances etc, the more hurt you'll endure.You'll never get proper closure with this man,he lives in a dreamworld and you fell for the illusion of a man he created.

I wish you all the very best x

olgaga Wed 02-Jan-13 23:55:19

You might want to take a look at this information, there are some good links which will guide you.

You do need to balance what you might have to spend with what you might gain in the process, but it wouldn't be reasonable of him to expect you to walk away with nothing.

HerRoyalNotness Thu 03-Jan-13 00:02:47

If that flat is being sold and you're not entitled to half (no clue if you are) then I would work out, how long did he own the flat before you were contributing (for eg 5 years) and how long were you contributing ( eg 2 years) and ask for 2/5ths of the capital. I'd start there.

GlobalDisaster Thu 03-Jan-13 08:07:01

It's worth asking yourself what he current value of the flat is compared to when it was purchased. If it was say 8 years ago, chances are that it is worth less..Property prices have gone down in most areas. When you deduct the legal costs and Agents fees you might be left with nothig or even face a bill. Be careful.

Rascal79 Thu 03-Jan-13 08:14:08

I would second not bothering with a lawyer. My sister got divorced a few years ago after two years of marriage. No kids. No property and just debt. Because he was such a b..&@£d she took the debt on and just walked away. She did the divorce online and it was done quickly. I would just cut your losses and move on with your head held high xx

Collaborate Thu 03-Jan-13 08:49:46

Whether you end up doing it all yourself or not, It's worthwhile getting advice from a lawyer. If you don't get that advice you're never going to know what you are entitled to as part of the divorce. As far as I'm aware none of the posters above have any legal qualifications.

mof2013 Thu 03-Jan-13 12:53:02

Thank you all so much. I will take on board the wise words about not investing any more money, time or emotion in this man but also want to ensure I'm not walking away from anything that I'm entitled to. Many thanks again, it is so appreciated.

GlobalDisaster Thu 03-Jan-13 18:40:23

I personally think it would be foolish to pursue any money. Take it from me, it takes years off your lfe. Shut the door, walk away, and give way to positive people. If only I was my own therapist 15 years ago.
Cut your losses girl!!!!!
This is a no win situation!!!
You asked for impartial advice, well I'm giving it to you.

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