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Advice - Collaborate??

(5 Posts)
rollthisway Thu 18-Oct-12 19:23:25

Been married 2 and half yrs to my dw
we have young twins and not in love any more.
I moved 200 miles brought a house and renovated it, she's from a affluent family and she had some pennies so we paid off the mortgage as we knew twins were on the way so was sensible to do.
So with her input and my renovation increasing the value it works out around 50-50, house is around 125k.
She also has a nest egg of 120k and we get dividends from this.
All i need/want from this is that i stay around the area so i can have close contact to the kids as living 200 miles away would be no good for all involved.
were on good terms and will likely sort between ourselves.
But i just want a sort of idea of what i would be entilted to as i need to stay around.

Thanks

racingheart Thu 18-Oct-12 22:15:51

Seriously? You have young twins? You want advice on separating because you're not in love any more?

Grow up. Raising twins is hard. Don't dump it on her. Don't imagine by being near you will properly participate in their lives. Stay around. Be involved. Take this huge and privileged job of raising them seriously. Be good parents together for a few years and then, once the tough early years are behind you, and you're no longer sleep deprived and brain dead from the groundhog day relentless of their infancy, you may find you fall back in love. I speak from experience, as a mother of twins.

I can't believe how many posters on MN advocate chucking in the towel unless marriage is effortless.

rollthisway Thu 18-Oct-12 22:35:42

sorry i should have wrote 'were' not in love anymore.
its both ways not one way.
There 16mnths and we are both wanting the same so its not dumping on her.

Collaborate Thu 18-Oct-12 23:47:41

You really need to have a chat with a solicitor and tell them all about your income and capital.

racingheart Fri 19-Oct-12 11:56:08

What I'm saying is - how can you evaluate your relationship when you have 16 month old twins? Of course you're not in love right now. You're too busy, knackered, confused. Your lives have shifted. Why make such life changing decisions at such a colossally bad time?

I know this isn't the advice you're asking for, but maybe if you both put your energies and focus into working together as good parents you'd grow back together. It's very unlikely that a parent who doesn't live with his or her children can give the quantity and quality of input the children need and deserve. You sound like a really caring and responsible dad, so why scupper your chances of being the best parent you can be by splitting up when the kids are so small? Almost no one 'loves' their partner when the kids are tiny. It's not only about being in love. Being a family is as important. And it's easier to be a family under one roof.

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