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When are we getting a new Dad?

(4 Posts)
Spiderlo Mon 08-Oct-12 17:17:47

I'm a full time working mum with a 9 yr old boy. My husband passed away last year. My boy is a happy child and we try to move forward so i don't mention about dad anymore even though i know he misses Dad.

Three months after my husband passed away, I told my boy that we can't keep buying things that we don't need as I'm the only one working and we don't have dad making money anymore. He asked immediately with wonder "Can't we get a new dad?" My boy only thinks Dad is for paying and playing. Having a new dad is problem solved!!

Last weekend while getting him for a shower, he asked me again "When are we getting a new Dad?" I didn't know how to reply him, he wouldn't understand how much to take for a man to become his dad.

As much as i put him in a boys school and joining local sports team, he doesn't have an adult male figure to guide him. I begin to feel i'm depriving him from having a dad. My DS is a lovely and full of joy child, I don't want the lost of his father turns him into a problem child/youth.

What should i do?

Collaborate Tue 09-Oct-12 09:32:20

I wonder whether it's the right thing to do to not talk about his dad? Remembering the good times might be beneficial.

Spiderlo Tue 09-Oct-12 14:49:17

Thank you collaborate. I do know it's not right not to talk abt dad. It's not forbidden but I don't want to mention and turn both of us sad. My boy even told me not to keep so many of dad's stuff because he's dead.

I do casually talk abt what/ where we used to play. He always tells me abt the time he and dad went biking and almost crashed to a car.

It's the boyish things he misses doing with dad and it's not the same with me. That's why he's craving to have a new dad to play with. I really don't know how to explain to him.

foolonthehill Tue 09-Oct-12 19:59:59

I am sure you are doing a great job with your son, but grieving is an ongoing, probably lifelong, process and avoiding painful feelings may not be the best way for him to deal with them.

Many mothers have brought up well balanced, bright boys on their own (eg Bradley Wiggins) you are enough and as he grows he will develop links with other boys and men and find his own role models.

www.childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk/ I am sure you have many resources but i have found these people helpful.

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